All that stuff I don't get comes so easy to him; he doesn't even have to try

Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners!

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month we're writing about how a co-parent has or has not supported us in our dedication to natural parenting. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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This whole parenting thing has been harder on my relationship with my husband than I expected.  It's not so much that we disagree about anything, at all, but you know tired people?  They're kind of cranky.  Tired person + tired person = yelling at each other for no reason.  The kind of bickering where hours later you have no idea why you were yelling at each other across the room about what's for dinner other than because the baby was flopping around and yelling and the dogs were running back and forth and OH GOD everything's so crazy.  It's more that we grate on each other's nerves about stupid stuff than real fighting.  But that's not to say that it isn't going well, it's just... different than I expected.

Other parts though, are going swimmingly.  In the months before Jude was born when I was still deciding if I wanted to breastfeed, let alone have a primarily intervention-free birth, I could have never imagined that Jon would be so on board with the whole thing.  He has been my biggest supporter.  He is the constant fetcher of items when I'm nursing; water, the laptop, the remote.  But you know, that's not all that exciting- a robot can do that.  What has really blown me away has been his attitude.

My transfer into this whole new world of crunchy-version parenting was sort of unexpected.  What was even more unexpected was how Jon has rolled right along with it.  Beyond tolerating it, I would say that he actually likes it.  Babywearing? Totally on board.  Car seats are for cars.  The co-sleeping- well, he's not quite as crazy about the co-sleeping.  It works for us, for now.  But I guess after being my Bradley coach I can cut him some slack on that.  When I feel timid about nursing in public he reminds me I have nothing to be worried about.  It's just a baby eating.  And "extended" nursing? He declares that it should just be regular nursing because there is nothing extended about it.  Baby-led weaning, it goes on and on.  He has taken over my causes and embraced them with surprising fervor.  Or at least he has such faith and trust in my research of the choices I'm making for our family that he doesn't even question them.

Our relationship since having a baby hasn't really changed, beyond being tired and each having a shorter fuse for irritating shenanigans.  But oh, when I see him with that boy, my heart fills up about three times to exploding.  When I find myself at my wits end he is there, stable and patient to take the Jude and do a silly dance.  When I am exhausted and dragging he tells me jokes to keep me going.  And when I see him with Jude I admire him so much, his loving voice and weird faces and secret kisses and endless patience with me and with this boy that eats every two hours.  Sometimes when I find myself doubting what I'm doing, the choices I'm making, the things I'm saying feeling, he is there like a rock, unphased and unflinching.  I feel weird in my own skin sometimes, trying to figure out this whole "mom" thing, and I see how easy it seems to come to him.

I don't think Jon knows how much I admire his mad parenting skillz, and why would he, when all I am able to say to him about it is, "Hey, wipe his nose! Did you turn on his nightlight? Does he need his diaper changed?"  You'd think he didn't do anything, or at least didn't do it right.  But that would be far from the truth.  He's making dinner while I nurse, feeding the dogs, putting the wee Jude to bed.   Honestly I don't mean to be ungrateful I just get so easily caught up in the little meaningless details that I forget to tell him:

You're amazing.  You, and that boy, and the support that you give me.  You're an incredible dad, a loving dad, and it makes my heart go pitter-patter.

I'm not a gooey gusher but oh, oh dear.  It's good stuff, these two boys I have blowing raspberries at me.  Oh, very good.

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Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting! 

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants: 
A Thank You to my Husband • (@lactatinggirl)  
My Reverse Traditional Husband In the Wild • @babydust) February Carnival of Natural Parenting • (@TopHat8855) 
Parenting Together • (@childbearing) 
If We Had A MIllion Dollars • (@bfmom) 
February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Co-Parents • (@CodeNameMama) 
Natural Parenting Fathers • (@considereden) 
Just Wonderful: Love and Partners and Natural Parenting • (@zoeyspeak) 
All that stuff I don't get comes so easy to him • (@thegrumbles) 
The Power of Having a Supportive Co-Parent • (@HappyMothering) 
February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Love and partners • (@Hobo_Mama) 
Love and Partners • (@myzerowaste) 
labor support...  
What co-parent? On prams, routines, ideals, sickness, and finding my way alone. • (@brightravenmum) 
Parenting With Support • (@MahoganyWayMama) 
Co-Parenting Support • (@mama2mamatips)  
Natural Parenting Carnival: Love and Partners • (@pchanner) 
Daddy's Little Girls • (@Momopoly) 
How do I love my parenting partner? Let me count the ways. • (@mamamilkers) 
Interview with a Daddy 
Being Supported in Natural Parenting • (@starrymom) 
Moments in time: a love letter • (@RaisingBoychick) 
Natural parenting converts • (@jenwestpfahl) 
Breastfeeding Father • (@AmberStrocel) 
A Natural Parenting Village • (@SuddnlyStyAtHme) 
A Natural Dad 
Love and Support From My (sometimes pantsless) Man
G-O-T-E-A-M! • (@tisworthwhile) 
how we come to parenthood • (@seekingmother)

dream of the day

i dreamed last night that i posted a superbowl recap here today.  which is a very boring dream.  but alright, fate, if that's what you want...

super bowl? eh. commercials? eh.
the game was close, which made it a good watch.  but jon is one of those people who scream FUCK SHIT CRAP at the tv every time something happens and fling things around the room in a rage.  it makes me feel awkward when he gets so worked up about uh.... football.  so i mostly ignored the game.  it seemed like a larger majority (than usual) of the commercials were super ANTI WOMEN, which was awkward.  every other one was about man-ing up or how annoying your wife is or not wearing pants, which generally i am also a fan of but they made it pretty clear that women weren't invited to their no-pants party.  and don't even get me started on that trailer for that STUPID new Jennifer Lopez movie that showed the "water birth"!  clearly all women in labor just flail around and scream all crazily.  and anyone who would want a natural water birth is a nutbag who invites 50 friends over to play the bongos.  –i'm going to stop that train of thought there before i get into the media's completely unrealistic presentation of birth. so...

i did take some really grainy photos (sorry sorry sorry) with the flying dutchman since my nice camera is out of batteries.  how about those!

practicing sitting up

 wearing jon's hat

alright, alright. you're off the hook for yelling at the tv all the time.you're both pretty cute.

grocery store

jude and i heart the maya wrap, yo.homemade salsa for the game tomorrow!(i don't care about football, but salsa?  mmmmm)

i'm a mom, alright?!

over the weekend jon and i were out somewhere with the jude running some errands.  we had dashed out to the at&t store (CURSE YOU) to pick up a phone charger for jon because we had misplaced his regular charger and his phone had been dead for a week or two.  (which, it turns out, i found his charger the next day in the basement on top of a box of hats.  WTF?  but you can bet your ass we'll be trying to return that car charger and save $30). anyway, we had dashed out to the at&t store partly to get the phone charger and partly because jon knew that at&t is right next to BW3s and he could totally talk me into some teryaki wings.  jon went in to get the wings and i stayed in the car because jude had just fallen asleep.  and we listened to some music in the dark while i checked twitter obsessively on the flying dutchman.  and then for no reason jude woke himself up and he was completely inconsolable.  so i crawled into the back seat and held him.  but this was SO NOT ADEQUATE, WOMAN so eventually i gave up and nursed him in the back seat of the car.  and it had been, i don't know, thirty minutes?  a long ass time.  but finally jon came out with the delicious and beloved wings and we drove home.

and, to get to the actual point of this story, while i was driving us back home i suddenly turned to jon and said, "i just forgot if i was wearing underwear.  but yes, i am."  and jon is all, what the hell?? because while i had been driving, piloting a vehicle going 60 miles an hour i had been thinking in my head, "hmmm, these jeans feel kind of stabby in the crotch area.  am i wearing underwear?  i don't know.  i don't know!  i was wearing underwear earlier and then i changed pants and... yes, i must still be wearing underwear.  i never took the other ones off."  aren't you glad i had to think that one through?  but then not 5 minutes later i suddenly shouted out, "OH NO! i forgot to snap jude into his car seat!" and jon turned around and checked him out.  and, no, he was strapped in just fine, like normal.

what i'm saying is, i think i'm a little tired right now.