technically, our original due date was the 29th. but my doctor, for whatever imaginary fabricated reason decided it should actually be today, the 1st. so now either way you look at it here we are.
i'm at work today, at least for now. i feel too guilty staying home when not much is really going on. but things ARE going on, sort of.
i stayed home yesterday to rest and sleep and do nothing because i was tired. but also because i was totally down in the dumps, much more than i have been through any part of this whole thing. all week i have had contractions every night and then by the time i wake up in the morning they have gone away. and then sunday my sister-in-law went into labor and had her baby, and i cried and cried because pregnant people are stupid and don't make any sense and i wanted to have my baby too. when i woke up yesterday i poured myself some delicious organic chocolate milk, set it on the coffee table, and turned around to get something. and bang JUMPED UP ON THE TABLE AND STARTED DRINKING MY MILK. big trouble for the little lady. big. trouble. needless to say that sent me into a fit of 30 minutes of hysterical crying. again. so, yesterday was great.
but! -thank god there's a but... (haha, butt)! when i went to the doctor in the afternoon i decided to finally let then do a check. and it was the awesome hippy doctor that i love so much and she always cheers me up. she is so excited about jude and she knows his name, and gives me all kinds of natural birthing tips, and she thinks that he is about 7lb 12 oz. anyway, my check? 5 cm 80% effaced bitches! i am thrilled, elated, ecstatic! i know it doesn't really mean anything time-wise, it could be today or still a week from now. though i have ton of symptoms of early labor (mucus plug, contractions, bloody show, loose stool). but it definitely did a lot for my mood. all those contractions night after night were actually working hard, getting things done. things are happening.
and now we keep waiting. the tricky thing is that i have contractions ALL THE TIME. and clearly now we know they are doing something. but they don't really... hurt? so i'm not sure how concerned i need to be when i have them. i mean they are like every 5 minutes, a minute long for HOURS. like, going on right now. should i even be here? is this actually labor and i'm just like, tough as shit? or is this just pre-labor and will i know when it kicks in for real? we had planned to labor at home as long as possible but after my check now my doctor is concerned that we shouldn't wait TOO long because i am already so far dilated... so... ?
at this point i'm just going to keep assuming that i'll "know" when it's actually time, like everyone says you will. keep your fingers crossed that i'm not one of those freaky people who accidentally has their baby at home because they didn't know they were really in labor. actually that probably wouldn't be the end of the world but i could live without the mess in my clean, clean house. anyway, that's the scoops.
also people? not a great mood-enhancer when you tell me how sad you are that i'm still pregnant. maybe KEEP THAT TO YOURSELF. because nobody is more sad than the pregnant lady still pregnant, and the more you talk to me about it the more likely i am to cry. just back away slowly and maybe leave me alone.