today is the final day of my maternity leave. and i'm a lot sadder than i thought i would be. so for all of posterity, let's remember what we did all day during this crazy time. here's our daily routine:
8:30- boy starts squeaking awake.
8:50- boy is screaming. he is awake. MOM. can you HEAR ME? I'M AWAKE. i put him in the center of the bed. he stops screaming and starts laughing. damn you, tiny morning person. i run away to go put in my contacts, pee, brush my teeth, and throw on a hoodie, while the boy continues to scream at the top of his lungs.
9:00- carry boy downstairs. change his diaper, which he also finds hilarious. dress him... maybe. or just put him in clean jammies.
9:15-9:50 feed the boy on the couch while watching tv. check email. check blog. check facebook. boy falls asleep after/during eating. carefully attempt to put him in his bouncer. if he wakes up, rock him until he falls asleep again, put him in the bouncer. repeat as needed.
9:50-11:15 boy naps. at least most days. some days he boycotts and screams this entire time. i wake up bang and nico, take them outside, shut the gate, come back inside, drink chocolate milk. pump at 10:15. freeze the milk. some days, i clean the kitchen. if time allows, feed the dogs. the boy poops, sometimes several times in a row. change diaper (and clothes) as needed.
11:15-12:00- feed the boy while watching ER. dogs play outside.
12:00-1:30- entertain boy with singing, talking, wiggling, rocking, diaper change, etc. attempt to eat lunch foods of some kind.
1:30- boy finally decides to take a nap, 30 minutes from the time he will wake up to eat again, ensuring that there isnt' enough time for me to do anything productive. also, he falls asleep on me and wakes up if i move. so i'm trapped.
2:00-2:45- let the dogs in. feed the boy while watching a baby story. make fun of all the stupid women in labor, but only in my head because i have no one to talk to.
2:45-3:00- entertain boy with singing, talking, wiggling, rocking, diaper change, etc. call jon to talk to another adult who uses words. let the dogs out. attempt to eat if eating wasn't achieved earlier.
3:00-4:00- we both fall asleep on the couch under a blanket.
4:00- boy wakes up screaming. let the dogs in. feed the boy.
4:20- jon comes home. except on wednesdays.
4:40- done eating. change diaper. give boy to jon. jon entertains boy.
6:00-6:45- feed the boy. again. he'll wait to be hungry until we have our hot dinner on the table. every. time.
6:45- give the boy back to jon. he fusses every day at this hour. jon tries to calm him. i try to calm him. we pass him back and forth. he takes a catnap. he sometimes poops.
8:00-9:00- jon gives the boy a bottle. i pump. he doesn't like the bottle and it takes him even longer than usual to eat. in between eating plenty of food, he screams. after we all eat, we feed the dogs.
9:30-11:30- boy falls asleep, either on jon or in the bouncer.
11:30- i wake up from sleeping on the couch and feed the boy again before bed.
12:00- everyone goes up to bed. diaper change, change boy into warm footie jammies. he goes into his swing next to the bed which we sort of also use as a bassinet. cover him with a toasty blanket he will kick off in the first 2 minutes of sleeping.
12:00-3:00- ahhhh, everyone sleeps.
3:00-3:30- the boy wakes up and wants to be fed. i feed the boy in bed. milk gets everywhere. bring towel into bed.
3:30-6:00- sweet, sweet, delicious sleeping.
6:00-6:30- feed boy again, in bed. boy fusses and fusses until he takes a big poop. slowly fall asleep, after much squeaking and squawking.
6:45- jon gets up and gets ready for work.
7:10- jon leaves
8:30- the boy starts waking up.
aaaaand it starts all over again. it actually feels pretty smooth and comfortable by now, though writing it all out makes it look INSANE. and now we'll have a whole new schedule to figure out. oh dear.