deep dark parenting confessions

November 13, 2009

when i was pregnant with jude i told jon over and over, "oh i would never co-sleep.  it just seems so unsafe!  and how do you get any rest!?  crazy hippies."  sleeping with your baby in your bed?  you must be out of your mind!  and what if you can't ever get them out and they sleep in your bed forever!?  "family bed"?  gross.  i knew we would never, ever, ever—you have to see where this is going, right?

we're co-sleeping.  after the first two weeks of waking up every two hours, trudging across the room to the bassinet to fetch the baby, and then feeding him for 30+ minutes in the other room on the couch, i realized that i couldn't go on like that.  i wasn't getting enough rest.  i dreaded the coming of night with an unholy passion.  i even told jon a few times whilst dramatically waving my arms around in the air, "oh god, it's almost night time again.  and what am i going to do?! WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?"  and jude wasn't learning anything about how to sleep at night by being woken up and moved all around.

so we're co-sleeping.  there, i said it again.  out in public.  we got a swing and put it next to my side of the bed.  and he swings to sleep.  for the first leg of the night he sleeps by himself peacefully in the swing.  when he wakes up to eat i lift him over onto to the my side of the bed and snuggle him up next to me under my arm, and we lay on our sides belly to belly.  he eats his snack and then we fall back asleep.  i sleep with our faces inches apart because at first i was so paranoid i wanted to carefully listen to his breathing.  and i'm sometimes cold, because i keep the blanket pulled down around his waist which means the top half of me is out in the chilly night air.

but lo and behold- he sleeps at night.  he has ever since we started doing it.  he still wakes up to eat but he knows that nighttime is for peaceful resting.  and i actually get to sleep for many many hours at a time.  i doubt this will last very long, he likes to kick and kick and wake jon up around 4am to do some farting.  after that i sometimes try to sneak him back into his swing so he won't be disturbed when i get up to get ready for work.  but for now, while he's small and hungry and non-mobile, i'm totally digging it.  after a day of being apart it seems like it resets our family.  yes, i'm still here, the mama.  babysitter?  not mama.  jude is a morning person.  it drives jon crazy.  he wakes up around 7 every morning and flails his arms and legs around and laughs and smiles.  if i crack my eyes open around that time he'll look right in my face and SMILE.  good morning mama, here i am.

god i'm such a crunchy hippy convert now, it's ridiculous.  next thing you know i'm going to stop brushing my hair and- ok well too late for that.  but patchouli still smells like crap.



I had no intention of co-sleeping either, but after weeks of dreading nighttime and crying and plotting my escape to Jamaica, I caved. It was one of the best decisions we made.

I didn't admit it to many people, so I totally love this post.

Ky (Two Pretzels)

Lila took a little nap with me this morning in the 'ole bed. (This is because she felt the need to get up at 4:00 a.m. Just to talk...)

In the beginning, I did whatever I could to sleep. If that meant she was in bed with me, belly to belly, (which I secretly loved), I did it.

Now, she thinks our bed is for play and prefers her crib for night sleeping.

I for one, think that HOWEVER you get your child to sleep, it's worth it.

Isn't it INSANE how every notion of how a parent "should" be flies out the window once you take that itsy, bitsy baby home with you?

Mickey D.

You hippy!

Just joshing you. I say do whatever works.

So should I just not say that we don't want to co-sleep and save myself the agony later on for going back on my word? Cause I'm ok with that. I'm a snuggler and this sounds lovely.

Adam Claxon

The Upside: Smiling, laughing baby in the morning is (I assume) better than screaming, crying baby.

The Downside: I've been told that's exactly how I was as a baby, all smiles and giggling and happy.


Patchouli can suck it. I HATE patchouli. Loved your post, however.

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