motherhood

November 9, 2009

i've heard people describe their experience at birth as suddenly understanding and feeling that they were a mother. i don't think that really happened for me. i knew it was my baby and i was excited to take care of him, but i didn't feel like a mom right away. it took some definite adjusting to the whole idea. but there's another element to motherhood that i never expected- when i take jude out in public people see us and think mom! but i don't feel like a mom! i mean i feel like jude's mom of course, all the elements of love and child caring are there, but not A MOM. you know what i mean? moms look like this:


moms do not look like this:


this totally scenester myspace photo? this is someone's mom.

but that's motherhood in a new age i guess. moms now are stylish and trendy. jude's babysitter and i both wear nose rings and have mass tattoos. and so does his beloved aunt jenn. jude will grow up thinking all moms look like us! weird concept there. and maybe part of my problem is that i am youngish, and look even younger than i am. so when people look at me sometimes i wonder if they think i'm jude's nanny or aunt or something. i can wear a fanny pack and highwater pants and start brushing my hair... maybe.

it's a startling revelation to realize that moms are just people who had babies. like regular people with interests and whatnot. no really- come on you know what i mean! when i was a kid moms seemed so... godlike. they were their own special breed of person. women who take care of kids and that's all they do. your mom was... your mom. and nothing else. like calling your mom by her first name, it feels weird. it's strange and eye-opening to figure out that moms are human beings. -ok, no matter how many times i re-write that sentence it sounds stupid, but i really feel that way! it is very different to realize that our parents are just people who happened to have kids. regular people with emotions and interests just like you and- oh fuck it it still sounds stupid.

i quit. but you know what i mean. it's weird and new, being a mom. and people look at me and they see a mom. but i don't look in the mirror and see a mom, i still see regular me.

4 comments:

Ky (Two Pretzels)

This post made me smile.
--
I remember growing up with some of the items that my Mom had since before I was born. Specifically a curling iron, hot rollers and some other stuff. I remember thinking, "OMG. HOW OLD IS ALL OF THIS STUFF?"

I can't believe my Mom was ever not a mom.

Kay

HA HA! The mom in the yellow sweatshirt made me laugh out loud. Not a fake LOL but a real laugh out loud.

I know just what you mean ... I don't consider myself a "MOM" but I AM a mom. Before I had kids I always thought that moms looked much older than how I look now. It's weird.

Junket

I'm not a mom yet BUT I bet I'll feel the same way as you if I ever become one. Can mom's still listen to Sir Mix-a-Lot?

Oz

Ditto. I felt like a Mama, but not Mom, which is what Axel has started to call me. Each time he says it, I sort of jump and think, "Wait, is he talking to me?"

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