me: so, i think i really want to get jon (this thing) but i can't decide. it's probably too expensive.
her: Hmmmm, I don't know.
me: i could get it for him anyway, even though i don't have any money. have i mentioned i don't have any money?
her: You could always get it anyway, that's what Mom always did.
me: probably. it sucks being an adult.
me: but you know what he got me for my birthday last year?
me: do you!
me: yeah, i KNOW. he was going to take me to a concert and then we didn't go, and then he was supposed to buy me a cake, and then he did, four months later.
her: Did he get you anything when Jude was born?
me: WHAT? no! i'm UNLOVED! see who gets a birthday present NOW! ...NOBODY!
and here we are. what do you want for your birthday, JON? huh, huh?? because i'll buy you a real present and give it to you, like i do every year. take that, jerkfaçe! ...but seriously, i should probably figure out what to get because that's in like two weeks! new years, in two weeks or something! how did this happen?!?
post posting this post, jon called me and said, "we went someplace and you ate food, so shut your face, FACE!" but he can't remember where. i don't believe it even really happened.