dream of the day

last night i dreamed that i was walking along 3rd street downtown near the crappy bengals stadium and a car pulled up next to me and my faceless friend and asked if we wanted their extra tickets to the reds game. suddenly we were surrounded by crowds of people all going to great american ballpark, and of course we were like, "sure!" and the lady and her family said, "ok, just go inside and meet us at concourse Heidleberg." and then they drove off.

so, obviously we needed to get to the ballpark immediately, and what's the fastest way to do that? get in a stranger's car and hitch a ride with them into the parking garage on the east side. and of course, because it's dreamtown, the old guy and his wife in the car are totally cool with that. as we're speeding along the narrow roads to get to the parking garage an old cadillac to the right of us tries to merge over, but old driving guy won't let him, and the cadillac drives off the road into the sidewalk/grass and then falls into an endless ravine next to an office building.

finally we get to the garage, go in the stadium, but all of a sudden i can't remember the name of the place we are supposed to meet the lady. so i wonder around and end up at the customer help center, which is a huge semi-circular wooden desk manned by older ladies giving out directions. they show me all of the names of all of the areas but none of them look familiar. behind the desk is a giant lime green circular room where a lounge singer is about to sing.

then the lady helping me is debbi, the receptionist from work and we're with jodi, another girl from work. we go into a room behind the desk to try to figure stuff out. the room is old and dark and filled with carved german wood furniture and antiques. debbi starts freaking out because she says she sees a ghost. i turn around and an old photograph of a dude is now a ghost. but he's sort of hot, so i'm not scared. would you be scared if the ghost was hot? apparently not.

i don't remember what happened between there and the next part, but then i was part of some 1970's cult and we were looking for a new headquarters that had to be suitably full of old creepy german wood furniture. we broke into the back of this old church and it was perfect for our creepy meetings, but turns out the building wasn't abandoned so we had to run, run away! down the spiral staircase, and then i woke up.

today's lesson

on the way in to work in the fresh snow, i drove several miles behind a big old sherwin williams paint distributor truck that had this all over it:


this, class, is a perfect example of misguided marketing. wtf were they thinking? oh, we'll just put up a giant graphic of the earth being drowned in the toxic paint that we sell. sounds super appealing! i'm hoping that this is a very old logo (google says 1906) so it was created before it was "cool" to "care about the earth" or whatever. still, you think by now you might want to replace that.

monday is a fun day, i'm entering the science fair!

i normal reserve myself from saying too much about work around here, the main reason being that many people who blog about their jobs end up getting fired. however, i think i can get away with today's topic without too much trouble.... if we just..... shhhhhh!

if you've ever worked in a marketing department maybe you understand the sheer quantity of weird, useless projects you will be asked to complete by "non-creatives" outside the department. or, maybe this only happens here at my job. we (i.e. me) have been asked in the past to do a range of things that have nothing to do with our marketing duties including the following few examples:

• cut out kid's 50 school photos along the lines because person is 'bad with scissors'
• highlight things on a spreadsheet because i'm 'good with color'
• scan in 80 pictures of some one's kid for their graduation video
• rotate a photo inside some one's powerpoint presentation 90° for them because they can't figure it out
• make invitations for things, including 8 year-old's amazing race themed sleepover
• print out poster-sized photo for some one's living room on our department plotter

however, today i received a special project that has surpassed the ridiculousness of all my past ones combined, including the time i was asked to head the balloon-blowing-up-committee because they finally learned my name.

i was asked, by a person who shall remain nameless and is much higher in authority to me, to do their child's science-fair project. they are providing me with the data, and i was instructed to create the binder and entire poster-board display for their EIGHT GRADER'S science fair.

so, my new project is due by feb. 5th. i don't quite think this is funny yet, let's give it a few days. i'll be sure to let you know if i win a blue ribbon. (bitches!)

an open letter to 2008 & 2009

dear 2008,

it's probably pretty embarrassing for you that i always call you by the wrong name, 2007... i mean, 2008. well now you don't have to worry about that anymore because you're like, so over.

you were a pretty good year overall, eventful but not exciting. we looked for a house together, you and i (and 2007, maybe that's why i get you confused?) but you were the lucky year we actually found one. good thing too because i'm fairly certain i developed PTSD from living in a veritable war-zone for two years.

some times were bleak and desolate and others were just fine. friends changed, moved, and disappeared. nico had a gigantic tumor successfully removed in a risky surgery, señor obama ruled my life with all his news stories, i watched tombstone for the first time, the media gloomed us out more than it has in a few years with all this recession business, we moved to our new old house, bang joined us, i finally beat GTA IV, and dark knight kicked ass.

you were ok. we were employed, sheltered, happy, and boozing. RIP,

jamie


hello 2009!

thanks for coming, i hope you enjoy your stay here with us for the next 350 and some odd days before 2010 leaps in and kills a bitch. if our time together this year goes as fast as last year we'll barely get to know each other. as i get older each year i hardly have time to give you the time of day, let alone remember to write you down on my checks. however this year you mean i turn 25, and i'm strangely excited about it. as the youngest person at my company i feel like you will make me seem older and more serious to everyone here at work. yeah i'm not 10 years old, i swear!

i have a sneaking suspicion (cough, cough....) that you're going to be fairly eventful for us this year. please be kind.

jamie