internals

i was specially saving this photo for this week's doctor's appointment when i was scheduled to start having internal exams, but then i found out i could decline them... so i'm not having any. let's just enjoy this humor now instead. (for those blissfully unaware, internal exams are when the dr shoves their hand up in your lady parts to feel around for stuff and "see how things are going." it's that scientific. which is why i'm refusing them.)

jon went with me to the doctor this week (actually it was monday, i'm a little late in updating you, ok jerks?) for my 35 week checkup. he hasn't come with me in a long long time because seriously, it's boring. but anyway, we waited and waited in the lobby and then finally when it was my turn they put us in a room. and the jerky nurse (i've had her before) was all, "they're going to begin internal exams today, so please undress from the waist down." and i was all, "dr. horn told me i could decline internals, so no." and then she got really really mad and was all, "well i don't think so, but i'll just let you talk to the doctor about that." and she slammed her stupid way out the door. and i was all fuming to jon, like dude, that lady is a bitch. am i going to have to fight with everyone about this? commence the worrying. but then the doctor (new doctor this time) came in and was all, "oh, yeah that's fine. i don't really care. but let's make sure he's head down."

and so, they whisked us over to the ultrasound room and turned on the machine for a whole 10 seconds. it was a speed ultrasound, she just jammed the thing on there and was like yep, that's a big round head down there all ready to go! and goodbye get out.

so, he's head down, yay! go jude! that also means that those weird parts that jut out of my stomach all the time are most likely 80% ass, 20% toes. who knew? and they don't want to see me again until the 10th, which i thought was odd but i'm not complaining.

the life of a rodeo clown is a painful and solitary existence

i came home to this earlier in the week. remember, way way back when i wrote this post about how nico HATES bang? (actually you probably don't, because that was before anyone read this crap.) ...ok we'll he still hates her. but look! they're ALMOST touching! and no one is growling!


dear nico, you really are much too big to fit in that chair. i like how you've pushed the cushion out to make a ledge for your legs to rest on because DUDE, you DON'T FIT IN THAT CHAIR. i don't know why everyone loves to sit in the fancy chair. but it is a hot ticket item around here.

true love.

and this is why bang is the weirdest dog ever. and definitely the weirdest sleeping dog. oh yeah, also? that's our *movie closet*. yes we have assigned an entire closet devoted only to our dvds. and it's sparkly silver with velvet draperies and a chandelier. because that's how we roll.



dear nico (again), i don't know why you insist on itching your arm this way, but it is really ineffective. and you look silly. but i like it. bye!

tmi tuesday

i'm officially starting a new feature here, tmi tuesdays. i think i tend to play it safe and not tell you, dear readers, very personal or embarrassing stories because you know, that's personal... and embarrassing. and my mom reads this. on the whole i don't really like to tell anyone anything, but i'm going to consider this my friendly reminder to myself that the whole point of blogging is to share way too much information with you. and much like friday finds, i can't promise that it'll happen every tuesday, but at least some of them. and if you ever happen to share any of my vices feel free to stand with me in solidarity, anonymously if you prefer.

it has become a recurring problem in my pregnancy that i randomly forget to wear underpants. before this i just wore them inside out all the time.

if you courtesy flush in stall #1, you'll be sorry. it will spray your back with water. found that out the hard way.

and speaking of bathrooms, if we run out of toilet paper, even if the new roll is right there and ready to be used, i'll just grab a tissue and continue on my merry way rather than put the new one on the roll. sorry jon.

the birth plan

so yeah, we have a birth plan. chock full of all that natural birthing crap i was going on and on about last week. (if anyone cares i'd be happy to post it, but i'm not sure if anyone actually wants to read it so let me know) it's interesting, some people think birth plans are a complete waste of time and some people think they are the most important part. i'd be curious to hear from someone who works in L&D as to if they find them useful at all. as a birthing mom you hope it helps the nurses get to know you better so everyone can be on the same page. as a nurse i'm sure they all roll their eyes because these first-time mom's have all these pre-conceived ideas about "what they want". it probably also depends on what you write in it though. if it's 10 pages long and totally unreasonable the nurses are probably going to think you're an idiot. i've cut ours down to a single page of bullet points, trying to guarantee as much as possible that someone will actually read it.

i guess you just have to hope that your nurses (and even your doctor) are interested in honoring your wishes. i think this is particularly scary for me because my doctor's office is so big. out of my 7 doctors, any one of them could be on call at the hospital for delivery. and some of them i have only met/seen once. the ones i have talked to it about have been very pro-natural birth. but what happens if i get the one i don't know who... isn't? i guess we just cross our fingers. another one of those things you just can't plan for. unless you hire a doula. which is a great idea but the last thing i want to do this late in the game is throw another person in the mix. someone who i'm not comfortable with and have to pay. maybe next time.

friday finds

hi there

dear jude,

i love that your favorite in-utero song is dirty filthy by gwar. it is guaranteed to make you kick and kick. then again maybe that means you hate it i'm not really sure. maybe i should try putting in earplugs, sticking my head in a bucket of water, and playing it to see what it sounds like. on the other hand, we also like to listen to motorhead together so i'm sure it's not just a fluke.



but that's the way i like it baby, i don't want to live forever.

love,
mama

the uninspired

remember back in the day when you were a little kid and every week felt like a month and every weekend felt like it lasted a week? yeah those days are so over. now time flies by, passed by doing stupid worthless daily things. every day i get up and go to work, usually not on time since no one at my office seems to care, and then i work at my desk all day and don't talk to anyone. and i eat the same foods, every day. and then i go home for the best and shortest part of the day which is hanging out with jon. and then it's over and i go to bed and do it again. it's a zombie life we live sometimes. time is passing.

all the *fancy* bloggers are talking about getting ready to go to blogher this weekend (the big pro-blogging conference, if you didn't know), of which i am extremely jealous. not only do they all get to go to chicago and have fun, but they are all so fancy and know each other. so fancy.

which brings me to topic #3- if anyone would like to give me a free vacation, you just let me know. because i'd really like to escape from this place for a while. to the beach preferably.

bang continues to be much more popular than i am on twitter. it's really getting out of hand.

jon and some friends are going to a concert saturday night and i'm debating on joining them-
pro: i like this band. it is only $8. i never hang out with anyone and avoid going outside my home.
con: it's in kentucky where people are allowed to smoke inside. not cool. i will probably be tired and boring and complain, and then complain that i'm complaining and smell like smoke. i like to be alone.

in conclusion, i would like very much to go home now and take a nap. the end.

labor, delivery, and bradley- oh my!

i mentioned very briefly here before that we're planning a natural birth. i've shied away from the topic before because people can feel so strongly about it. it's a hot button issue these days that women use to judge other women. but it's probably about time to get the damned thing out in the open. and just to be clear, i mean natural birth as in no drugs. because my (male) cousin was under the impression that natural just meant vaginal, as he told me that, "yes she had the boys naturally, besides the epidural." so, that's not exactly what i'm talking about here.

we're doing the bradley method. and no, we weren't able to take the classes. i know the classes are the biggest part of bradley but they are 12 weeks long and we would have either had to start in march (before i decided to embark on this nightmare) or now in july and not make it to the final classes. so we're reading the books instead and counting on the fact that we have an excellent history of working together as a team.

quickly: if you're not familiar with the bradley method he is the guy who way back in the day started the "husband-coached" birthing trend. the very basic bones of it is a) know the stages of labor b) prepare your body ahead of time and learn relaxation techniques for when it's going to suck c) labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital d) no drugs, avoid unneeded medical interventions e) husband = partner who is going to help you relax. you can learn more here.

why? i never guessed i would be interested in a natural birth. it's going to hurt. but as i read extensively about my options i started to change my mind. a few of the reasons... i want to be able to be active in the birthing process- i don't want to be trapped down on a bed. i don't like the way pain killers make me feel and i don't like their side effects. i want to help my body do it's job as best as i can. i'm freaked out by the high rate of c-section in the US. it's alarming. i don't think that women who give birth naturally are any different or better than any other option. you need to do what's right for you. but some things stuck out to me when reading other people's birth stories, like the number of women who labored all the way to 7 or 8 cm and then got the epidural. you were almost there! you did all the hard work already! or the women who went into the hospital too early and ended up with tons of medical interventions that they probably didn't need. or most shockingly, the number of women for whom the epidural didn't work. or only worked on one side. or they turned it off during the pushing. so what was the point? you may as well have been able to walk around and get comfortable in your own way if it wasn't going to work anyway. regardless of if you are having an epidural or not you are going to have to do part of the laboring on your own without drugs. because they won't even give you one until you are a certain amount dilated- they won't even admit you to the hospital.

i know i'm probably screwing myself over by putting this out there, but plenty of women for years and years have been able to give birth without drugs. is it fun? pain-free? hell no. but i think i can do it. or at least try to do it. and i think it helps to not have totally unreal expectations about what's going to happen. if it turns out i have a puttering labor and i'm stuck halfway for 20 hours? you know what, i might get an epidural. and i'll be ok with it because it will be my decision that will work best for how my labor is progressing.

so here's the part that i feel confused about. if you really want to have a natural birth, they say you have to REALLY want it. be committed. be devoted. work work work. and people feel strongly that it's the only way to go (dooce wrote a pretty intense post about her sudden choice to go natural here). but, if you set yourself up for this specific event and then that doesn't happen, say the baby is in distress and you need help, or you labor for like 30 hours and want an epidural so you can rest, or the baby is breech and you have to have a c-section, then you've set yourself up to feel like a complete failure. so how do you care about having a natural birth without hanging all your hopes and dreams on this one path that might change at any moment? that's where it's ambiguous. care, but don't care too much. but care a lot, or it won't happen. the good news is regardless of how things go down hopefully you have a healthy baby.

as i mentioned before, i think natural birth is tricky to talk to people about. many other ladies think you're out of your mind and aren't very encouraging (cough cough... everyone at my office). to the point of being pretty jerky about it. i was really afraid of this. i've actually lucked out so far though. when i mentioned it visiting my dad's side of the family last weekend several of my cousins and my aunt were all excited and supportive about it and even shared some of their own natural birthing stories, which i had no idea about. and my doctor's office has been really cool with it for such a large practice ob/gyn. they have even made a little note in my chart about it and encouraged me to ask lots of questions so i'm prepared and given me the ok to labor at home as long as possible.

it seems like a fair number of the women who choose to "go natural" do it with their second (or more) baby. they do it the standard old OB way first and then when they know what to expect they know more about their options. as a first timer it's a little more scary. no, i've never done this before. i have no idea what it's going to be like, or how bad it's going to hurt. i don't have any preconceived notions about how it's going to play out. i guess you just have to have confidence that you can do it and then try like all hell. and when people play that card in conversation, "oh you have NO idea how bad it's going to hurt" they're right. i don't. how do you respond to that? of course i don't, but thanks for your support? that kind of negativity about it bums me out, i'm not going to lie.

i read an analogy of it that i thought was really interesting:

When someone says they want to run a marathon in a year, the people around them say, “Great!” and during the year as the marathon date approaches, the runner practices, sweats, grunts, deals with blisters, sore feet, sore knees, sweaty clothes, changes in diet, time schedules, sleep schedules and even being obsessed with the upcoming event. During a marathon, people stand on the sidelines, cheering, howling, offering encouragement and nourishment throughout the race.

THIS is what birth can be compared to… except within our culture, if birth were a marathon, people would throughout the training period say things like, “Oh, c’mon… what are you thinking? Why would you want to do something so hard when you can just take a car the 26 miles? Wouldn’t you see the same sights? You’d get to the end point just the same.”

And during the race, people would say, “Oh, you look so tired. You look miserable… aren’t you ready to quit yet? Look, I have my car right here… just jump in and I’ll give you a ride. Oh, you are falling down and trying to get back up? Why are you putting yourself through all of this misery? It isn’t like you’re going to get a medal or anything.”

no, of course you don't get a medal. we all end up at the same place. but that doesn't make it a worthless endeavor. so natural is the goal. with lots of understanding that things can and will change, and hopes for lots of luck.

best friends

all the news you ever wanted

i feel like i have been neglecting my duties to keep you updated on the ins and outs of the growing mr. jude. but the truth is i just don't have a lot to tell. i have been remarkably lucky to have a very uneventful pregnancy so far. and i'm still enjoying it. i mean i don't like being tired and cranky and giant, but overall the whole thing feels amazing. just for the record and all of posterity though, here's a very thorough update:

grow grow grow, kick kick kick. that pretty much sums it up. i've gained like 27 pounds or something so far, my blood pressure is ok, and he moves around in there like a bunch of angry raccoons in a bag that you can see from space. and there are something like 7 weeks left? if he goes to the due date? he's supposed to be like 4.5 lbs and 17 inches or something this week. it's starting to feel like all my organs are smashed up and touching each other which is not particularly comfortable. i regularly throw up in my mouth, especially while sleeping. i still don't get up at night to pee mostly, but i can no longer remember any of my dreams which is odd for me. my belly button is still an innie but it's really more of a dimple now than anything else. i still wear a bikini to the pool, though i do wear board shorts instead of tie-on bottoms. 7 weeks. 7 WEEKS. it seems still far off but then also alarmingly close. jon seems not even remotely concerned. i float between freaking out, getting excited, and trying to completely ignore it.

jude is getting huge in there. i think he gains something like 3/4 lb per week now? in the last week i have particularly noticed that my skin feels extra stretched and my belly feels like a giant rubber gym ball. i lotion it every day because it feels like my skin is going to split apart with all that growing. giant mysterious triangles poke out of my belly. i love to play the game "guess what part that is sticking out there" but we never come up with any answers. it's just like yes, that's a... something there, rising up out of the sea and then sinking away when you touch it. i still have no idea what position he is in. some days i feel confident that he is angled with his head down on the left and his feet up in my ribs, but then the next day things will seem all crazy and i'm not so sure.

over the weekend one of my relatives tried to convince me that babies don't really move their arms. she kept coming up to me and staring at my stomach and asking if he was moving, which no, he wasn't and now you're freaking me out. and seriously? babies don't move their arms? isn't that why you have to put those tiny mittens on them right away because they scratch the crap out of their faces by moving their arms? if she's right (hah, no.) then this kid has like ten legs, one coming out of every side because i promise you that even if he is doing the splits he wouldn't be able to kick in all the places i'm feeling at once.

i worry that i don't talk to him much. and jon doesn't talk to him. but it just... feels weird. i'm too self conscious to do it around anyone else and even by myself it seems... stupid. but i think we certainly talk to each other enough to compensate. and he will have the world's best in-utero classic rock education.

all of a sudden this week my back pain has sprung back into action, which is nice. and by nice i mean really stupid. it was bad in the second trimester before i learned not to do anything ever. but now i'm doing nothing and my back still hurts. and because i'm doing nothing that also means nothing is getting done. things like finishing up little jobs in the kitchen, and cleaning off our deck, and weeding our yard which now looks like an abandoned hobo field, and moving that giant pile of scrap wood that blocks me from parking in my garage, and cleaning our house, which in turn, makes me freak out inside my head. how will these things ever get done when i barely have the energy to walk around?! unfortunately i would much rather sit quietly on the ground and do my birthing exercises and try to avoid being in crippling sciatic pain. so not much of that stuff is going to be completed any time soon barring some kind of miracle. i did wash all the baby clothes and jon and i put away the ridiculous amount of stuff we got at the shower.

i think one of the only things to really bother me about pregnancy has been the change in the way i eat. i love(d) to eat. i loved to go out and get exactly what i was wanting and eat the hell out of it until i felt like i was going to explode and it was awesome. now things just... don't sound good. or if they do sound good i only really eat a few bites before i'm "full". i can't do that satisfying gorge that i used to love so much. i settle for eating things that are mostly nutritious and not particularly what i would normally want. it kind of blows. everything tastes pretty mediocre. jon and i both can be some pretty snooty foodies and all of my foodie joy just seems to have been sucked away. oh well we can only hope it will come back some day.

i have a lot of thoughts floating around in my head about birth and labor and delivery, but this is getting quite long so i'll probably save it for another day. but i will leave you with this- what the hell is with everyone in public being a total jerk? i can't count the number of times in the last few months i've been walking right behind someone and had them slam the door right into my face. or belly. or had someone walk directly into me. or cut me in line.

i was under the general impression that people are like, nice to pregnant people out in public. so far i have found this to be SO INCREDIBLY NOT TRUE. they either act like i am invisible, glare at me, or stare like i have three heads. this is not encouraging people. the next time you are out in public and see a big ol' pregnant woman please hold the door for her, or let her go into the bathroom ahead of you, and think of me. because i really can't stand how jerky people are. we went to the harry potter midnight premier last night and i swear that if one more person ran into my gigantic belly i was going to kill a bitch. IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S HARD TO SEE IT -and- OW THAT HURTS -and- PLEASE LET ME GO DOWN THE STAIRS ON THE SIDE WITH THE RAILING INSTEAD OF PUSHING ME OUT OF THE WAY.

huff.

remind me why i live in ohio again?

friday afternoon i had another worthless doctor's appointment. everything is fine and normal as expected. i usually go early in the morning instead of late in the day so i'm not used to having to wait very long. i was waiting in the lobby friday for an hour for them to call me back. i was not happy. mostly because i really had to pee. arg. so, while waiting and waiting and trying to entertain myself on my cell phone, i watched a pretty hilarious situation go down.

the waiting room was packed, but at the end of the room a guy was sprawled out across an entire couch. sleeping. he couldn't have been older than 18 or 20, though really it's hard to tell. he had the bleach blond close-cut hair and khaki shorts and big puffy white high-tops with the one shiny earring. yeah he was classy. i kept trying to snap secret photos of him with my cell phone but sitting directly next to sleeping guy was this huge fat man that kept glaring at me for some reason. so i could never manage to get a good covert-ops photo without giant fat guy giving me the evil eye. i now have a lot of blurry pictures of the side my my purse though, score!

just as i gave up and lost hope his long-lost lady comes out into the lobby to claim him. it was funny enough just to watch her go over and kick him to wake him up, but then she turned around. she, like him, *may* have been 18? she had the total stereotypical skunk-stripe beauty-school hair. and she was wearing this shirt:


it was almost more than i could take to not laugh out loud. and not because i think that shirt is even remotely "funny". then her dad stood up. yes her large redneck dad in the plaid shirt was also there. i had no idea because he was sitting by himself across the room from said "boyfriend". then they all left together to go to mc donalds. or walmart. or hunting. whatever. i'm pretty sure i was not the only person in the waiting room watching this debacle either.

oh dear. i figured since our hospital tour didn't have too many hilarious dysfunctional couples in it for me to make fun of and we aren't taking a birthing class i wouldn't get to have one of those stories. but ohio proved me wrong once again. and please don't buy me one of those shirts. i might punch you in the throat.

seriously?

the pope is scary. look at those evil lazer-beam eyes. and no, spellcheck, you'll never convince me that 'lazer' is spelled with an 's'.

"I'm holy! Obey! ZEEOOOOWW!"

i know i'm especially awesome, but...

dear woman-who-will-remain-anonymous from my office,

i appreciate your comments that i look so cute! today. look. at. me! however, i regret to inform you that i am wearing yoga pants, flip flops, and a plain white t-shirt. i'm just saying, nothing fancy is going on here. don't get too excited. then again, judging by that weird mumu shirt you're wearing, i am pretty awesome.

thanks!
jamie

houston, we have a problem

be sure to check out my stylin nail art. i'm not allowed to have it anymore now that i have a real job.

i live in northside. there is a scooter and dance bar behind my house. my entire neighborhood is filled with people like this:


i'm not joking, they are everywhere. i drive a volkswagen hatchback. i like to drink pbr. i have been listening exclusively to the arcade fire for the past 2 weeks. and this. i'm friends with boys who wear girl's pants. jon has a beard, rides a '71 honda scooter, and wears tan suede loafers to work with his jeans. i own more that 3 pairs of sunglasses whose lenses are bigger than my fist. we have a collection of belt buckles and taxidermy. i like etsy and threadless and urban and cb2. i own and wear moccasins.

what i'm getting at, friends, is that as much as i hate hipsters... some signs seem to point to me actually being one. scary, i know.

but don't panic.

the good news is i can't ride a bike. especially not a fixed-gear bike. in fact i'm not even sure i know what that means. i refuse to shop at american apparel or own/wear anything that even resembles a leotard. i don't like plaid, or the 70's, or men with moustaches. i don't like thai food. i maintain proper hygiene. i have an actual job and i hate the art scene. i won't ever watch the movies kids or gummo. i don't smoke. and no matter how hard he tries, jon is not going to get me to listen to the grizzly bears. i think zines are stupid. i drink starbucks instead of local coffee shop coffee, and i'm not sorry because they are jerks over there.

it's a fine line we're walking here.

die, cruel world.

why, why why why why why why why why why WHY would you replace all the automatic air fresheners in our office building with ones that make SUPER POWERFUL baby powder smell?!? it's been like this for over 2 months and i still gag every time i go into the bathroom. which is often. seriously people, who thinks that smells nice? i'd rather smell poop-smell. and it doesn't just stay inside the bathrooms either, the smell is so strong it wafts around the entire building. it charmingly greets you in the lobby. and if you dare to actually go into the bathroom- WHAM it is multiplied by 100.

hello, welcome to our very professional business office. yes we're actually standing inside a giant diaper. isn't it lovely?

busy weekend extravaganza

dear orange diaper bag, i love you.

after going to the northside 4th of july parade a few blocks from our house (which was totally awesome, even in the rain) we headed up to indy for the baby shower with our families. i'm not the kind of person that gets into showers. i hated all our wedding showers just because being the center of attention makes me so anxious. so i was not looking forward to the all-ladies baby shower- dreading it is probably more accurate. the good news was that it was a combo-shower for jon's sister and i which took the pressure off quite a bit, but the bad news was no boys allowed so our husbands and dads got to head out and eat cajun food and drink beer (which sounds way more fun, come on).

i always stress about those kinds of events so all week i was prepping up, painting my nails & toenails, washing my face all nicely so it would look pretty (aaaaannd it broke out majorly the day before the shower, of course. thanks face!), and picking out a cute shirt to wear (it had ruffles! and as soon as i washed it... a huge weird stain appeared on it and i had to throw it away. thanks stupid target sale shirt). i was cranky because i wasn't at the pool sitting in the sunshine. and i stress out because jon's siblings are all in a constant state of fighting with each other about one thing or another and gee, won't it be fun for us to all be together in one room, plus my mom? yay!

but....

it was actually ok. better than ok. it was nice. i still don't like the whole everyone looking at me part, but having my sister-in-law there to share it with helped a ton. and i ate a ton of delicious foods. and oh god, they loaded us up with so much baby gear. i mean those ladies really outdid themselves i can't believe it. we had a hard time packing all of it into the car to drive home last night. and then as we were driving every time i would come to a stop boxes would fly out of the back into nico's head which i'm sure he was not thrilled about.

it's amazing that in one day i went from feeling like we had hardly anything to feeling... actually pretty prepared for jude to come. i mean, as prepared as you can be with having lots of little baby supplies. it feels great. there are really only a few things we didn't get that we need. it definitely makes it feel more real and exciting that jude will be here soon (8 weeks!).

crazy. i'm tired though. we didn't pull into the driveway at home until almost midnight. and then when i finally crawled into bed it was hard to get to sleep because i kept thinking about all the tiny baby things and how i want to take them all out of their boxes and organize them because i am insane. and hungry.

crisis averted. the end. bring on the cheez-its.

friday finds

one day early this week due to the holiday... and the fact that i am off work tomorrow, yeah bitches! then it's off to indy for our family baby shower on sunday. i'll report back with the juicy details. enjoy!

hopefully not my future

this website is HILARIOUS.

in, oh say, 2 months (ALARM! PANIC!), we are going to be parents. i'm down with that. we're excited. but can i tell you how freaked out i am by people who are obsessed with their babies? there is a normal amount of, "ohhhh, look at my cute baby! he/she is so new and awesome! i made you!" that is perfectly acceptable and that is not what i'm talking about. (KY over at twopretzels is a good example of how to do it NOT creepily. same with dooce and new little marlo. thumbs up ladies.) but... there are people who take that to a whole other level of overboard crazy-style. the type of people who keep telling me about how *Magical* everything is going to be.

i'm sorry but you're going to have a hard time convincing me that pushing a baby out of my normally little lady parts and staying up at all hours of the night to let it chew on my boobs is magical. bleeding afterwards for up to 2 months/stitches/etc? magical? no. necessary for procreation? sure. it's part of the deal to get to the part where they actually talk and interact with you. maybe it is magical for some people, but as i mentioned before, i'm not really the gushy-mushy type. and don't even get me started on people who say that having a baby brings you closer to jesus and the magic of god. ugh. so here's to jon and i continuing to be normal people even as we raise our adorable, sassy spawn.

obviously i'm going to be writing a lot about mr. jude, as i have about my pregnancy. that was kind of the point of this whole business. i just hope i can keep it out of the realm of sickeningly sweet and into the realm of hilariously badass. or at least like, marginally cute. as much as i love reading baby blogs the saccharine sweet i-love-babies thing is just too much for me. (cough cough, girls gone child, i'm looking at you)

if i ever sound like that please send me some internet beatdown, deal?