my close group of ladyfriends are mostly younger than i am, in school (or grad school) and spend their time clubbing with boys and booze and going out to late night parties. which is fine. but i've already done that- i've had plenty of nights out where i don't remember anything or arm wrestled a security guard or climbed in a gutter chasing a rat at 3 in the morning. it was fun at the time. however at this point i would much rather stay home with a movie and takeout than go to a trendy art show to see people i intensely dislike and spend my money on overpriced cocktails. when i was married, they were still in school; now i have a baby, they are still out having casual sex (which i guess is a good way for me to bring them over to my side of... having a baby).
i was able to meet up with my beloved ladies over the holidays when everyone was in town and we went out to dinner. my first dinner out without jude! it was surreal! and i worried, though he was already in bed when i left so really what is there to worry about? after sitting with them for only a few minutes i immediately realized two things:
#1- oh my god, i have missed you SO MUCH and
#2- you don't know anything, anything, about babies or anything that my life currently revolves around.
for example, one of them asked me if jude was walking. another remarked, when i said i could only have one beer an hour because i was breastfeeding, that she wasn't sure how long you, "did... that." and i thought in my head at the time WTF? and then later thought about what a jerk i am.
we're at different places in our lives. i often have to remind myself about it as i bitterly complain to jon that almost all of my friends haven't ever met jude or inquired about him. we have less and less in common these days even though i still love them desperately. because it's hard to make friends, to find good ones and keep them. it's difficult for us to find time to spend together as a group, compounded by the fact that several of them have moved across the country. and even the ones who do care and ask have a hard time fitting our schedules together to actually see each other. sometimes i feel angry about it, that they aren't interested at all in my life and have no patience for it.
but i've also been thinking of my (few) friends that have had kids before me. and now that i know about babies i discovered suddenly that i was one of those people before. i was my friends now. a small handful of my friends do have kids and now i find myself thinking about what i crappy friend i was back when they had their babies. that i
but, i can't go back in time and use what i know now. and if i can accept that i was, at one time, a crappy friend, then maybe i can't really be too hard on my own friends. they're just in another place, like i once was. and maybe we'll drift apart over it and... that will be alright.