lest you think i'm some kind of breastfeeding guru

April 5, 2010

i enjoy writing about breastfeeding and i've waxed eloquent about it around here quite often lately.  these posts {probably} make me sound like i know what i'm doing.  and to some extent i do, trust me i read and read and read and read about it.  but they also make me sound so... reasonable and balanced about it.  as jon could probably tell you, nothing is further from the truth.

a few years ago jon and i were still living downtown and experiencing a lot of gun violence in our neighborhood.  i was researching the crappy apartment building across the street and somewhere came across the name cabrini green.  {cabrini green was a public housing complex in chicago which in the 80's and 90's was one of the most dangerous in the nation}  i took a passing interest in it and i spent the next three weeks reading every possible scrap of information i could get my hands on, including a 300 page statistical safety report.  if i've ever mentioned to you that i'm "interested" in something, by "interested" i probably mean i've read obsessively about it and could write a twenty-page paper on it from memory. 

–did i mention i'm crazy?  "reasonable" is NOT my middle name.

immediately after writing those pumping at work series posts guess what happened?  thursday i only went home with 7 ounces.  my first session that day i got TWO OUNCES.  friday i pumped four times and went home with 10.  not enough for a full day for the very hungry jude.  and not what i'm used to at all.

i cried.

true story.  i'm not sure if it's because i've been quite sick recently or if it was related to my 5 days off work (and off pumping) but... commence the freaking out.  mostly only in my head but freaking out all the same.

so this weekend i pumped every. single. hour.  every hour.  i'm fairly certain jon thought i was out of my mind.  however jude was not thrilled to go in for a snack and find out that it had been poached a hour before by some damn machine.  the final straw came in the afternoon when he was fussing and fussing and jon was holding him.  we were discussing if he might be hungry vs. tired and as jude was wildly thrashing around in jon's arms he was squeezing his little hand open and closed. open and closed.

the sign for MILK!  {which we have been dutifully showing him at every feeding since forever}

oh, poor little hungry the jude. i'm sorry.

after that the pump was abandoned for the rest of the weekend and jude went back to being perfectly zen.  his beloved foods were his and his alone to consume at his discretion.  today back at the office i'm planning to pump four times a day, all week, to see if i can get things back to normal.  i even threw one of his little shirts in my bag this morning to smell and hold and love.  i've heard that can help ladies along with their production and i figured oh, what the hell.  it can't hurt.  so a few minutes ago i got all set up to pump and got the shirt out and kept thinking, "man, this shirt really smells like bananas.  why does my baby's shirt smell like bananas?  blech.  not helping.  ...man, i hate bananas."  now, my baby does not normally smell like disgusting banana candy.  he usually smells like... warm, and soft, and milk, and fuzz.

...but guess who brought a banana for lunch today in her bag, huh, huh?
grumbles fail.

it's hard to tell how it's going so far, we'll see at the end of the day.  the most important thing is just to do it! and do it more! smoke signals for MORE MILK PLEASE!

this is just to say to you, dearest reader,
that i have felt more fallible, more human.  that for all my nursing primers, i'm still reduced to tears when things go awry.  that for all my knowledge the posts you seem to love best are the ones where i talk about what a crazy freak i am.

i can haz crazy and i don't know what i'm doing at all.

cheers,
grumbles
.

9 comments:

AthenaBee

Breastfeeding is the best thing in the world to do for the wee one, but it can be super frustrating and terrifying and time consuming and did I mention FRUSTRATING?????

Athena never latched on. Not even one time. So I pumped every 2 hours for 4 months, then every 2 to 4 hours for months after that. I didn't stop pumping for her until January of this year when she turned 2 1/2. Dedication, right? Well some people like to be high and mighty because THEY did it the RIGHT way, from the breast, and I took the slacker's way out.

Seriously, you deserve an award for your dedication as well.

Mickey D.

Oh goodness, I hope there was no jinxing going on! I feel partially to blame for calling attention to it. Please forgive me.

If I may be so bold as to make a suggestion, I've read and have been told that organic Mother's Milk tea is something to try to increase milk production.

It's weird, just last week Turtle Parade and I were discussing your breastfeeding posts and we both agreed that when you say something we can take it as fact. True story. It's obvious through your writing that you know what you're talking about.

Don't be down on yourself for crying over this. It's frustrating to put so much effort into something and feeling like it's not good enough. That's not unreasonable at all.

I'm quite certain that you'll be back to where you need to be in no time.

Ky (Two Pretzels)

Oh friend, it happens to all of us. The river of milk ebbs and flows.

If it makes you feel any better, my Lila decided yesterday that she only wanted to nurse TWICE the WHOLE DAY.

She refused me all afternoon.

What kind of Easter present was that?

My secret has always been to drink TONS of water. That way it seems as if you're either peeing or pumping all.day.long. (Sorry for the visual.)

AthenaBee

I concur on both Mother's Milk tea and crazy amounts of water, just in case you wanted my 2 cents.... and you should. I use to pump out 20oz at a time. Seriously, can you even picture the boob that goes along with that amount?

the grumbles

I've got the water covered, I drink a TON (already had 40+ ounces today) but the tea might be a good idea. And an excellent excuse to eat oatmeal cookies with Guinness, right?

Dionna @Code Name: Mama

Sending you milky goodness vibes mama, try not to stress out about it (although I know that will be hard)!

Ky (Two Pretzels)

I can vouch for the size of Athena Bee's hoots when she was pumping a half a forty of milk. They were GINORMOUS. IT was ridic.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

Imagine that, my middle name is also Crazy!

Amber, The Unlikely Mama

I have had every problem you can have bf'ing. If you EVER need help or tips, please let me know. I was on all the herbs, the prescription from Canada, had to use a hospital grade pump, had to use an SNS, had to use nipple shields.

So seriously, I'm here if you need help. I know just how frustrating it can be, no matter how well versed you are on the logistics.

((huhs))

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