you'd think it would get easier to make friends as we get older. but it doesn't.
that's a dirty lie right there. see when we were younger there was school. it's a whole lot easier to make friends when you're trapped with the same people for 7 hours a day. you're usually bound to make friends with at least one or two people in your class. and then in college, same thing. there are roommates, classes, activities. it's a little harder but there's still that forced "togetherness". in the adult world that forced "togetherness" comes in the form of the workplace. but if you work alone, from home, or with people vastly outside your age range (me), it really puts a damper on the friend-farming. plus you know, at work you're actually supposed to do work. not fun things like rubberband fights. unless you work at a really cool place, which i don't. it was always easier to make friends when we had that required contact pushing us together again and again. i had the best luck when i was waitress. spending double shifts with people my own age trying to assist crazy people will bring you together like nothing else. but like many friendships, most of those have faded away over time. without the constant contact it's difficult to stay in touch.
the crazy recluse in me is often reticent to reach out to new friends unless i have to. what i'm getting at here is that i find it difficult to make new friends. and a lot of the women in my life that i've spoken to about it echo the same thing: i don't have a group of girlfriends, it's hard to meet new friends. it's a big step to go from the friends you've had forever to feeling out a relationship with someone new. plus now the added obstacles of adulthood: jobs, bills, family, commitments, schedules, errands. on top of that we're now older, wiser, and more bitter. we've all been burned by friendships-gone-wrong before.
every time i walk by a playground i wonder if i will be able to make any "mom" friends. i was blessed recently to have met quite a few new friends, thanks largely to this bliggity bloggity and twitter, whom i adore. and though none of them are actually here in the city with me i can feel the air around me... cheering up. we're weaving a little support net of new-ness and fun-ness. it's not quite the same as being able to cruise over to someone's house for a playdate, but shit yo, i'm digging it.
there are still those "breaking in" a friendship pangs. did i say the right thing? did i do something wrong? does she still like me? i haven't heard from you in a while, are we still doing this whole friends thing? as friendships grow it's difficult to get past that first getting-to-know you strain and some of those relationships won't survive. it's a fact.
i've been on a personal quest recently to make overtures of friendship to someone in my own real life. it feels a little bit like i'm that desperate kid on the playground trying to get the cool girl to play with me. i don't quite know what i'm doing and i'm putting myself out there in a way i'm not used to. it feels scary. do you want to be my friend? i'll let you come over and you can play mario kart and drink all my soda and my mom will make us pizza rolls...? if only it still worked that way. if we could go back to our gradeschool methods i'd just put up a giant trampoline in my yard and be the most popular lady around. giant trampolines are the shit.
so, friends! i'm making some! i'm probably talking about YOU. yes, you, right now!
how do you do it in your life? do you have an easy time making new adult friends? do you play it safe and stick with your tried-and-true group? have you recently met a lovely group of ladies that you shamelessly adore and cross your fingers they feel the same? i have.