patent pending

April 12, 2010

so imagine with me, if you will, that you're driving down the street in the college-y part of town.  you're in traffic and zipping down the lane past the starbucks, past the bus stop, it's a lovely spring day- BUT WAIT! you spy out of the corner of the eye a hilarious douche bag sitting at the bus stop in full emo-death metal regalia looking glum and overheated.

flash to a new scene.  you're at target with friends, picking up a few necessities for later that evening.  as you walk towards the checkout stands you see a premier specimen walking in the door: an old dude wearing hiking boots, thick black knee socks, cargo shorts, and a cowboy hat.  but most importantly, his beard, HIS BEARD! a perfectly sculpted and formed to a precise point conquistador-style chin sculpture.  he quickly disappears into the hat isle, never to return.

another dollar, another day.  you're on your way home from work, diving the commute, and thinking about how lovely the sky looks right now, all blues and pinks and purples and fluffy clouds.

you're at an easter egg hunt and a kid, perhaps ten or eleven, walks by with his friends in black skinny jeans, a flannel shirt, converse shoes, thick black glasses, and a big black top hat with a ribbon tied around it.

what do these things have in common, friends?  these are all situations in which i would like to use my latest and greatest idea: eyeball cameras.  there are so many things i see every day that i couldn't possibly have time to whip out my phone and take a pictures of that i want to share with you (or, twitter!) so incredibly badly.  each time i'm in one of these situations i just keep blinking. really. hard. like damn it eyes, why can't you take a picture of this for me to show my friends?!  click, eye, CLICK. CLICK. DAMNIT.

if sacrifices need to be made i would be perfectly willing to give up one of my good eyes for a robotic eye that could also take pictures and wirelessly send them someplace.  those perfect photo moments are far too fleeting, as are old men with amazing facial hair, cute dogs on the street, and hipsters doing funny stuff, like riding a fixed gear bicycle up a hill in the snow wearing a plaid oversize dinner jacket.  yes, another thing you missed because i don't have fucking eyeball cameras... yet.

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8 comments:

Biscuit

OH MY FUCKING GOD
OH MY FUCKING GOD

I AM NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT INVENTING EYEBALL CAMERAS WITH MY SISTER NOT MERE HOURS AGO.

I even described it the same way as you. You just blew my mind. That's twice now. Stop it.

AthenaBee

So there I was, alone in an aisle, shopping Value City. A mother and her enormous man-child come toward me. Man-child trips slo-mo over a rack, falls perfectly flat on his face, his pants shoot down to his knees (why???) leaving entire ass exposed, and then he pees on the floor.

Why couldn't I share the image with others? Why did I have to be alone??
I attempted to crawl over to my boyfriend (walking wasn't possible as I was laughing much to hard) and explain to him what I just saw. He did not laugh. Perhaps if I could have taken an eye picture, he would have laughed and we wouldn't have had to break up. No, we still needed to. He liked to have sex with other people.

RenderMeMama

Oi! That IS a good EYE-dea. LOL. Sorry, couldn't resist. Why stop at pictures though, why not video too??

Laura

eyeball cameras. genius and hilarious.

the grumbles

luckily guys, i DID have my camera in my hand for this.

Junket

Really? You want to see more of Prancing Pants?

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

Solution!

Camera GLASSES.

It seems much easier to develop a camera that you wear on your face as glasses, vs trying to create robotic eyeballs. Right?

One side could be the camera, the other clear, to keep you from living your life through a lens which might give you fish bowl vision.


I don't know, I think we might have a winner!

Kristen

here you go: http://photojojo.com/store/awesomeness/you-vision-video-glasses

not quite an eyeball camera...but quite close.

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