270 good days– and one bad one

June 16, 2010

dear jude,

tonight we were both in rare form.  it was balls ass kittens hell damn fart hot and we were both tired and more than a little frustrated.  i wasn't as patient as i usually try so hard to be.  you were grabby, and kicky, and you wanted to explore OR ELSE.

sigh.

i finally just scooped you up and shuttled you off to bed and you fell right asleep.  but instead of being relieved that you're peacefully resting i'm sitting here, thinking about what happened.  how i had a bad day and could have done better.  how i could have been more patient, more understanding about your needs.  i could have branched out and thought of more creative ways to entertain you instead of getting flustered.

i'm human and i have bad days too.

you won't remember that i wouldn't let you eat my phone.  or lick the dog's bed.  or crawl into the dining room.

you won't remember that i sternly picked you up and said.  NO.  just once, each and every time you snapped my bra strap over and over for ten minutes.  or that i finally yelled at you to QUIT IT! when you were digging your toes into my arm and kicking me to escape.

you won't remember it, but i always will.
i'll try to do better next time.

sorry,

mama.

13 comments:

Biscuit

AAAaaaaaand scene.

I know how you feel girl, today is a new day. Y'all have talked me off the ledge a thousand times when i'm having not-so-stellar moments. It's ok, and it IS going to happen again. When those little fuckers get mobile, all hell breaks loose. The independence breaks me daily.

Sorry I missed your call last night! W was up all night, SCREAMING HIS THROAT DRY. Apparently we're adding another tooth to the set. Yay!

the grumbles

@bizzie i knew you would get it, girl. we're sisters or some shit.

@bradshaw um it was awesome. i felt SO much better after we talked, back to normal.

allie

Unfortunately I know this feeling :(

Penelope

Och. I know the feeling. I feel like I could end so many days that way: "I'll try to do better next time. Sorry, Mama"

We just keep trying and navigating this parenting thing with love. That's the best we can do :)

Dionna @ Code Name: Mama

Many hugs. We all have less than stellar parenting moments. But remember that even the bad times can impart a life lesson to our kids - that we respect them enough to apologize, that we make mistakes too, that we get stressed out and sad.

the grumbles

oh, everyone is so sad! i'm sorry i'm making you sad. but i want to write about these parts too because they're part of my experience, i don't want to hide away the bad days. motherhood is real, yo.

it's amazing how universal this experience is– we've all been there at one point.

i don't feel bad about it, we've moved on, like miz biz said, today is a new day, let's go have fun.

hand pecked debb

Lemme tell you about the many times I've been forgotten at places... =)

Seriously, my folks were never the 'coo-ing' parents and now that I'm full grown, I think I had the best-est experience growing up with them.

Like my folks, you seem very real, down to earth and punkass. Jude won't remember the yelling but will grow up and think oh wow, my folks are awesome.

Besides, you can just tell him how lucky he is to have the onliest room that has AC next time he starts at it. If you can be louder, you win. =)

Amber, The Unlikely Mama

Oh yes, I've been there. Last night actually. JUST GO TO SLEEP DAMMIT! Yeah, stellar momming on my part :-/

Stefani

I'm sorry :( Addison just went mobile and so I'm getting an idea of what you're talking about... she was into EVERYTHING today - cords on the computer, the laundry basket, the remote, and the dogs bed... and every time I had to take something away and say 'no' she'd just find some new trouble to get into. We're doing the hardest job out there... it's alright to have bad days every once in a while, we all do...

Anonymous

My oldest are 10 yrs old and how I wish I could shrink them back to 10 months! Being a mama is so stinkin' hard some days but the most rewarding thing EVER!!

Unfortunately, the old saying "it only gets harder" is too true- just in different more mentally exhausting ways. Apologies and hugs are aplenty in my home...

Laura

hey- i'm glad you're writing about the good days and the bad- you're not making us sad- we can all relate. and it's nice to know that i'm not alone in the "QUIT IT" moments when he digs those heels in the thighs or arms. damn that hurts. how are they so strong already?
anyway, thanks for keepin it real, yo.
(i just cracked myself up- i am the whitest white girl :)

Rachel

I was there today. Dani isn't the quiet, mild mannered angel that her old brother has always been. And I will admit that today I just wanted to yell 'shut up' when she started crying out of nowhere for no reason that I could see. It's hard and it's frustrating, but it's also pretty much the most rewarding thing in the world. And it's nice when someone else admits that there are bad days, because then the rest of us don't feel so bad about admitting it to.

f*ck yeah, motherhood!

I want to tell you that this DOES NOT END. My 15 and 17 year olds are in bed now and I am agonizing over things that I said to each of them because I am sick and irritable. It never hurts less, but I'm glad there are people we can share the pain with.

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