does the inside match the outside?

June 11, 2010

my lovely friend ky from twopretzels sparked an interesting discussion over at her place this morning:  is your online "personality" accurate?  are you really who you present yourself to be?  because i think she's absolutely right, when we interact with each other online we have more time to think and craft and present only the sides of ourselves that we want to show people.

so, does my inside match my outside?

yes and no.

this is going to sound strange but i have found that my "real" (not online) self is much... meaner? than my online self.  i spend a lot of time when i write thinking about others and fostering connections.  i real life i am must more likely to shout FUCK YOU in your face and run away.  or start a fist fight.  here i go out of my way to make friends; in real life i'm agoraphobic to the nth degree.

i present myself as a pretty balanced happy-flower-cutesty-time person.  (well, at least by my own standards)  on the one hand, it is a lie.  you don't know that in reality i am a jerk.  (if you already happen to think i'm a jerk then you don't understand what i'm saying, i'm REALLY MORE OF A JERK)  on the other hand you know my secret insides- that underneath all that i care about people, i care about you.

i am very opinionated.  i like to make fun of people.  but i don't air that side of myself here because the internet is forever.  i don't want those parts of me to be immortalized, though i embrace them fully.  frankly, it would be unpopular.  as much as i write this for me i also like having readers.  i want you to come back and i know that words have power.  sometimes my self-imposed restrictions chafe.  i get comments and i want to respond with a rude snappy reply.  but i don't.  i want to write about my opinion on a deep controversy.  but i don't.  it's nothing to be sad about, just a choice that i knowingly make- i shield you from the heart of me so that we can be together.

if we met in real life would you like the real me?  i'm not sure.  if you could handle jon and i screaming YOU MOM back and forth over and over until we collapse in piles of giggles, maybe.  if you're down with my dripping disdain for the everyday public, maybe.  if you're willing to meet me on my turf so i don't have to go outside my comfort zone, maybe.

...but i would leave my comfort zone for you, if you asked.
it's what this place is all about for me– it's a standing challenge.  push further, be better.

The truth be known, the truth be told
My heart was always fairly cold
Posing to be as warm as yours

now how 'bout you, are you really who you say you are?



First of all, when I met you in real life (that sounds so stupid but you know what I mean) I thought you were nice and sweet and you came across as the Mrs. Grumbles I thought you'd be. And your kid is cuter in person than in photos - I really didn't think that was possible.

Maybe you were just being polite though and that in reality you don't like me and were making fun of me! *tears*

My blog portrays the nice and neutral side of Wendy. For the most part I'm pretty content and happy, but when I do get mad, I get furious. I'd love an outlet just for those episodes, but no one would read it because it would probably be a slew of incoherent swearing and ranting.

I keep my blog very, very light and it's kinda boring but oh well, that's where it's at right now.

the grumbles

ha, no wendy, i was not just being polite, i had a good time. ! do not worry !

and for the rest of you...


just kidding, because i get to be myself today.

you assholes.

the grumbles

non-commenting assholes.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

Haha look at you Grumbles, "i get comments and i want to respond with a rude snappy reply. but i don't."

And you wonder about the comment silence. :)

But yeah, I think my online persona is maybe a watered down version of the WHOLE Ashley. Every once in a while I throw something out there that shows the more vulgar, hot mess side, and it's ALL crickets and sideways glances. So I keep her in check online. Seems people don't want to get to know THAT side of Ashley.

But I'm ok with that, she's a handful sometimes.

Amber, The Unlikely Mama

OOOH I'm much meaner IRL. I'm a complainer. While I do a fair amount of that on my blog...I try not to take it to far. My thoughts are, that if someone wants to read bad things about your life, then they probably already dislike you. No need to add fuel to that fire. That, and the internet IS forever!

Here, like you, I have time to think about what I'm saying. Time to craft sentences that don't seem to snarky. Time to foster relationships that I do indeed care about.

I used to meet people ALL THE TIME from the internetz. Now, I don't very often. This past year I have met a few of my bloggy/LJ friends and I hope they still liked me :-)

That said, the tone of my blog, the conversational style. The words I use...they are all mine. It really is how I talk (when I'm in a good mood at least, lol).

hand pecked debb

On blog, I try to be happy and cheery since I'm using that to start my dream career. On twitter i try to keep it neutral until I'm really really angry unless it's directly to someone because I'm starting to get stationery folks following me. I think I'm way happier in real life because I allow myself to be entertained by my thought. I could be walking to my car and giggling because I'd imagine what it's like to dutch oven work right before I leave the office.

today is a bonerjam at work so there. that's as commenty as I can get right now.

have a great weekend, sounds like this friday is a jam of boners for you too.


I have been told by a few people I only once new on the netz that I've now met IRL that say I am exactly the person they thought I was. I don't know if that's good or bad:)~

I tend to be me because I'm a terrible liar. Terrible. I think the only thing that doesn't come across online is that when I use silence as my comment on something horrendous you've done (not YOU, but a general "you"), IRL that silence is accompanied by my plainly-read facial expressions. I'm told that when I'm unhappy but quiet about it, my face speaks volumes. It's gotten me into trouble at work a few times. Yes, my face screws it up for me. Every time.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.


That should be *knew* in the first sentence. Ick.

Kate, aka Guavalicious

This is an interesting question, especially with what I have been thinking about today. As I get ready for BlogHer I am struggling with my place on the internet.

My online identity is a pretty real representation of who I am, though like you I tend to be a little more "nice" online. Writing words instead of saying them makes me edit myself.

What changes for me online is my need to be liked. I don't feel like that in real life. If people like me great, if they don't then that's fine too. But online I keenly feel the need to be liked. I feel rejected when people don't respond to my thoughts.

It feels like it should be the other way around and I am not really sure why I feel the way I do.


I honestly don't think I can answer this accurately. Because I think I'm the same me online and IRL. Really and honestly, I do. Hubs thinks my blog is really accurate to my personality but we both already know me. But how would I know? I think there's a lot open to interpretation and I think each person who reads my blog has a vision of who she thinks I am based on my posts. Does this make sense? Tell me if I'm rambling. Or maybe don't. I honestly have thin skin and perhaps that doesn't show but I'm throwing it out there now. So if we meet IRL and you throw tomatoes at me or something I'll probably cry. You wouldn't know that from reading my blog. See what I'm getting at with that lousy example?

mandy@harper's happenings

aaaand we'd be best friends. YOUR MOMS FACE.

the grumbles

@ashley your crickets and my crickets can be besties. we've already established that. weird girls FTW!

@josey yes, it's so strange now that i am starting to meet some of my "online" (awesome) friends in real life. we've talked about it before but i totally worry that you guys won't like real life me.

@amber i'm pretty much the same. it's not like i'm lying or anything here, i really sound like this, i'm just not quite as judgmental as i probably am in my head. that and in real life i am terrified of strangers, and for some reason on the internet i'm all for making friends. weird, but i've found some good ones. <3

@debb you are a riot. the inside of your head sounds awesome

@alicia that's awesome! it's not that i'm not being myself necessarily, it's just not a side of myself that i really show off in person. it's like the secret side where i'm actually nice. i hide that part ;)

@kate i can totally relate to this! in person i don' give a crap about other people's opinions. but there's something about the online world that makes me want to make friends and want to be liked. maybe it's because we're all kind of in the same social circle out here? i really wish i was going to BlogHer this year but then when stuff like this comes up... it gets scary. i'm terrified to be the girl eating breakfast alone.

@hyacynth ha, you're not rambling. there's no way to tell what people will think of you just y a few paragraphs, you could think you're being super clear about who and what you are and they read it and take away a totally different impression. so who knows! it's almost not worth worrying about it because it's totally out of our control. (and i would never throw anything at you, but i would probably be too scared to talk to you)

@mandy god, i love how the internet has brought me friends that say YOUR MOM.


Funny, a friend and I were talking about this today. She was trying to explain my blog to someone and made the comment, "she is/writes exactly like she talks. It's 100% her, but it's an acquired taste."

Haha, I don't know if I should hug her or shank her.

Kate, aka Guavalicious

Oh I have tons of fears about sitting alone. To be honest, I am questioning my decision to go. I thought of this trip in a different way than it is turning into and I feel slightly guilty about spending the money on it.

Part of is I haven't built the online support system that a lot of people have. I don't have as much time to make the rounds as a lot of people do and I don't have a crafted online personality. It's hard to know what my place at something like BlogHer is.

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