the night that time stood still

June 17, 2010

the other night was a rough one for jude and i.  after clawing and kicking and climbing i was at my wit's end.  i called for backup via telephone and bradshaw talked me through the next twenty minutes with chit chat about don king hair and girl gossip.  by the time we hung up i was feeling 100% refreshed and back in the game.  bring it on, baby, i'm ready to watch you hold on to the dog crate in the corner for an hour!

but it was bed time, so he went off to bed and i penned yesterday's boo-hooey apology.  but mid-post... the power went off.  and ON... and OFF.... ONoffONoffONoff... Onnnnnn?  it flashed back and forth before finally coming to rest somewhere in between, which is something that i've never experienced before.  lights halfway on? fan halfway blowing?  it made all kinds of things go crazy because they didn't like having half-power.  i ran around trying to turn everything i could reach off.  i grabbed a flashlight and the baby monitor and crept out the front door to see if my neighbors were having the same problem.

our neighbors confirmed that their power too, was half on half off.  in the middle of our conversation we heard WAAAAWOOOW peeewwww..... and the whole street went black.  well, ok then.  i laid on the couch with my rottweiler and my mag light and drifted off into a half sleep in the sweltering oppressing blackness.

an hour or so later the power half came back on again and woke me up from my reverie.  it was stifling hot without any air moving around so i went to the window to open it... and saw the gate standing open.  the gate i had closed and latched earlier with my own two hands.  PANIC.

there are good parts and bad parts about living in the heart of the city.  there are always people around.  people who can try to break into your garage.  people who can prowl around your back yard.  people who might take advantage of a power outage.  BUT– there are always people around.  neighbors on their porches.  neighbors listening to music on the sidewalk.  neighbors looking out for each other.  our next door neighbors who are noisy and stay out late and usually drive me crazy?  they were outside the whole time.  and when i came outside they were the first to assure me that no one had been around and that it was probably the wind during the storm.  they gave me the scoop from the energy company and made sure i was ok.

i went up to jude's room and fell asleep on his floor to the sounds of my normally pesky neighbors with their friends and i was, for once, very happy that they were there with me.

some time in the night the power came back on and all was well.  well, all wasn't well.  you may think the story ends there.  IT. DOES NOT. END. THERE.

we have a carbon monoxide monitor in the basement.  smart, right?  i take no credit for that, it was there when we moved in, plugged into the wall by the washer.  when the power went out it started beeping every two minutes to let me know it had no power.  it's played that game before, i knew what was up.  i ignored it and assumed it would stop when the power flipped back on.

cut to the morning, and the damned thing is STILL BEEPING every two minutes.  so i headed down to the basement to check it out.  i unplugged it and plugged it back in.  LO BATTERY!  LO BATTERY!  you don't even HAVE a battery, asshole, we took it out forever ago.  so i push the reset button, which makes it beep insanely, and wait.

LO BATTERY!  LO BATTERY!

i reset it again, this time holding it down longer.

LO BATTERY!  LO BATTERY!

i unplug it from the wall and carry it away.

LO BATTERY!  LO BATTERY!

SHUT THE HELL UP!  NO BATTERY!

i plugged it back in and left it there, beeping. it's LO BATTERY-ing by itself right now.  i'm sure the dogs are thrilled. if it hasn't stopped when i get home i don't know what i'm going to do.  quarantine it in the garage?  hit it with a hammer?  throw it away?  a girl has to do what a girl has to do.

who's beeping NOW, dick?!?!

take THAT, asshole.

i'll solve the mystery for you–
it was me, in the garage, with the really big hammer.

.

10 comments:

Biscuit

BABAHAAHAAHahaaha!
WHo's BEEPING NOW DICK?!?!

God if you only knew how many phones, fire alarms, remotes, and baby toys have met that same fate in my house.

I'm a serial inanimate object killer.

the grumbles

oh guys, i wish you could have seen it, i didn't just use a hammer... i used the sledgehammer. it was epic.

Rachel

I love it!! There have been so many times that I wanted to smash something with a hammer but Micah will never let me.

Dionna @ Code Name: Mama

I see someone beat me to the Office Space comparison. It's too bad you didn't videotape the detector's death for posterity ;)

Bradshaw

@Rachel, for the record, you saying that reminded me of the Emperor's New Groove.

"I know, I'll turn him into a flea. And then I'll put that flea in a box and then I'll put that box in another box and then I'll mail that box to myself. And when it arrives, AHAHAHAHA, I'll smash it with a hammer! It's brilliant brilliant brilliant, I tell you, genius I say!!"

the grumbles

OH MY GOD, I LOVE the emperor's new groove. rachel and bradshaw + 1000 love points.

Amber, The Unlikely Mama

hahaha love the Clue reference :-)

Ashely, the Accidental Olympian

You fucked that thing up REAL good Grumbles.

I bet that felt amazing.

I've never smashed something electronic with a sledge hammer before.

Must add that to the Life List...

Laura

way to get medieval on its ass! oh, northside- i miss a lot about you, but i don't miss those rolling blackouts during the hot as balls summertime.

Jessica

Hilarious hahaha

And your "i laid on the couch with my rottweiler and my mag light" seriously made my heart lurch a little. I'd love to have a dog again to help assuage my nighttime fears. But then I'd also have to take care of it...

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