crossed wires

July 1, 2010

someone asked me on formspring:
What's harder– communicating with Jude or Bang?

bang.  no question.  while jude is frustrating to talk to right now he at least looks at me, processes what i'm saying, and you know, the little wheels in there are turning around .


i often make light of how stupid bang is and it's a constant running joke in our house.  but i want you to understand– i am in no way exaggerating how dumb she is, our special child.

when you say something to bang there's no telling what will happen.  maybe she'll look at you.  maybe she'll bark.  maybe she'll run away.  maybe she'll jump up on you and then slam her face into the door.  it's completely unpredictable.  at least a few times a week she falls down from walking across an empty floor.  she routinely runs straight into the wall and tries to jump up on the couch and misses and comes crashing back to earth.  or onto the coffee table.  she dug a hole to get under the deck and couldn't get back out because she forgot where the hole was.  i could go on and on.  she's just not right, that bang.

as we like to say,

oh, bang.  she is friendly and loveable, but... not smart.  the poor little darling has an extra Z chromosome.  someone put funfetti in her braincake.

the word retarded isn't in my vocabulary.  it is offensive to some and really, there's no reason to throw it out there.  but this has always been my purely hypothetical question:

if you were to, say, own a really stupid dog, and let's just pretend that this dog is so stupid that it can't really function, is it possible for a dog to be mentally handicapped?

cooling off

possibly handicapped and definitely strange: it's miss bang



Extra funfetti in the brain cake. OMG, I am TOTALLY stealing this. :)


Yes, it is completely plausible. However, in the interest of staying within PC guidelines (and i only say this from professional experience) I think the correct term is to say that Bang has a developmental disability as the "R" word is not generally used in classification circles anymore.

Also, personally speaking, your dog is TOTALLY developmentally disabled and if they made little bully helmets I would highly suggest she hitch a ride on the next "length-challenged" bus to go get herself one.

Ashley, the Accidental Olympian

Probably the best line you've ever written is, "funfetti in her braincake." DYING.

And I never thought about it until now that a dog might actually have a developmental disorder. But it seems highly possible. Especially if she's a pure breed. I've read countless articles on how some breeders are paying too much attention on the look of a dog, bigger head, smoother coat, and not paying ANY attention to the intelligence of the dogs they breed. Back in the day we breed dogs to work, but now we breed dogs for the look, and so in sacrificing one for the other sometimes it seems you get a Bang, or twelve.

hand pecked debb

In these parts we call them 'touched' instead of the R word.

Do you think it's a generic bulldog trait to be that goofy or she is special amongst bullies?

Man is she cute though. Someone told me once that pekin ducks are cute for a reason, because if they weren't, no one would take care of them shit/mud machines.

the grumbles

@bizzie, no kidding she could probably use a helmet. she's had more self-inflicted blows to the head than i can count

yes, @ashley! she is totally one of those super-snooty pure-bred breeder dogs. i'll never be getting one again. it's amazing that we humans can step up and ruin so many things, like breeding dogs who can't breathe or think. awesomeness.

@debb, touched! touched! i love it. more diplomatic, poetic, and true! all the bulldogs i've met have been pretty weird but she seems especially challenged even for a bully.

good thing she's pretty, right?

hand pecked debb

you think Bang and Dooce's Coco share the same brain?

the grumbles

i was going to say that she's not quite as spastic and energetic as coco sounds but... no really, she is.

i thought bulldogs were supposed to be lazy lardos, someone save me!

hand pecked debb

My 'niece' Libby in OH is pretty rad as a bullie around me and she does really smart things like lay across my duffle bag with the handle in her mouth so I can't leave. But apparently around other folks she'd pull stuff like 'oh hey I took a crap, now I'm going to stomp on it until it squishes all up between the toes.'

Man I want one so badly.

Look at this special one.

the grumbles

oh holy god, look at that face!

see, that's how they get away with being so freaking weird. those fuzzy little face, they's so cutesums.

i probably should have known bang wasn't going to be the brightest when they told us that her dad died in some kind of horrible tractor accident because his brain didn't work either.

oh noes!


Oh dear, please don't use the R word! In any sense. For human or dog. Makes my blood boil. Cuz it's my job, for real:

the grumbles

(wendy, i get it! i really get it! i am not going to up and start using the r word and i don't advocate it in any way. purely hypothetical questioning.)


I know! I know what you meant but I just couldn't not comment on the use of it.

emily bilbrey

hahahaha! oh holy crap lady, i feel you. i had an english bulldog and HOLY SMOKES was she ever the stupidest creature you'd ever meet. lovely? yes. sweet? absolutely. insanely dumb, like REALLY SERIOUSLY issues-she-haz-them stupid? YEP.

your description here had me rolling. love her name and sweet face. even if she haz a dumb.


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