so, you're not going to blogher this year. pity party for you, right? some of you may be thinking what the hell is blogher and why do i care? who are you and do you live under some kind of rock? blogher is the women's blogging conference thousands of bloggers travel to each year to attend workshop panels, go to parties, and network.
come on, mostly it's about meeting all those people you talk to on twitter every day and your friends you only recognize from their twitter handle and tiny comments photo. solitary socially inept nerds of the world, unite! and some of you may be thinking shut the hell up grumbles, in which case you are in a very wrong place indeed.
here are your golden steps to "i'm-not-going-to-blogher-this-year-itis" recovery:
1. live in denial. blogher is like, so far away right? who even cares.
2. but then... it's next week, and everyone is talking about it.
3. read everything you can get your hands on about blogher. all the what-to-expect posts, all the guides, all last year's recaps.
4. daydream about next year. next year is your year! (next year is always your year, in your head. remember that.)
5. go back into denial. fuck blogher. fuck all your friends who get to meet and have a party.
6. you don't want to go to their party and have a great time and tweet about it anyway. jerks.
7. resist the urge to spam all blogher posts by your friends with I HATE YOU.
8. give in and do it once, on a blogger's page that you really don't know that well but luuurrve because you couldn't help it and you're an idiot. hope she doesn't take it the wrong way.
9. tell yourself all the bad things about blogher. it's not going to be any fun. no one would know you. you would be all alone. you'd probably get elbowed in the eye over a free bag of carpet samples.
10. ...but don't believe any of it.
11. plan to stay away from the internet that whole week. then you won't have to hear about blogher!
12. who the fuck are you kidding with that one, really?
13. then stop complaining about not going to blogher, because no one cares.
14. give in and tell all your friends you hope they have a really great time. and mean it.