you know, blog, as part of this week's carnival of nursing in public i was actually intending to post every day about it, to raise awareness and combat misconceptions. then halfway through i chickened out because i hadn't written my posts in advance. i thought oh, they're going to run away in droves if i post about it all week.
but, blog, i think i'm over it. because you try doing something every 2-3 hours for ten months+ and not having a lot to say about it. it's a big part of my life in this moment, so sue me if i want to write about it just a bit more.
yesterday's CarNIP theme was your experiences nursing in public, and it has me reflecting on how things have been so far. honestly in the grand scheme of things it hasn't come up very frequently. we don't go out often or if we do i just feed jude before we go. the worst thing that's happened was some death-glares from a grumpy group at the mall food court the one and only time i tried to use a cover.
i can readily admit that all the fear and anxiety about it is totally my own doing. nothing horrible has happened to me; i've never been approached or scolded or asked to leave. i drag my own previous issues to the whole nursing-in-public debate. i remember what it was like pre-baby to see a woman breastfeeding and frankly, be creeped out. obviously know better now but knowing first-hand the judgment that people put out there has made me very sensitive to how people might react. my brain logically sees that public breastfeeding is no big deal and no one cares but... my heart races as i glance around the room because i used to be the one whispering, "ew, why can't she go do that someplace else?" (because i was an uneducated product of mainstream america's baby-training culture, yay!) but despite my weird fears i'll always do it because it's best for jude and his needs are more important than mine or yours.
so when i read this carnival article on the reality of nursing in public it hit home. 90% of the time no one is going to give you a second thought. or even notice you. all this fear and worry i give myself is really quite unnecessary. it doesn't mean that we shouldn't work to make it as normal and accepted as possible but... new moms don't need to be afraid. and i don't need to be afraid. really seriously i'm a ridiculous person sometimes.
my experiences breastfeeding in public have been, by and large, uneventful and good. when there were hiccups it was mostly my fault. i just need to remember that the next time we go somewhere. confidence, i needz sum, even after all this time.
and blog i promise that's the last i'll tell you about it for a long, long, long time and i'll shower you with photos of my child tomorrow.