dear jude, in 15 years i give you permission to punch me right in the mouth for posting this

sometimes you're just too damn tired...



...to finish changing your diaper...



...so you have to roll over and go back to sleep.  zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.



oh yes, oh yes, i laughed.   laughed and took pictures.  sorry. love,mama

oh yeah, THAT thing.

she hates the cold weather. any given moment of the day in the winter you can find her curled up on the mama blanket. frankly, it's become an obsession, her love of the mama blanket.





as long as she doesn't throw up on it, we're good.
but that's asking a lot from the queen of regurgitation.

zip the lip, b.

a little bit of sunshine

on the tweeter (as a media vendor i recently had the pleasure of meeting with termed it.  clearly, she was a voice to trust on media outreach for our company, thank you.), you can mark tweets with a little star to add them to your favorites list.  some people use this to remember new faces, mark important links, or notable events.  i use it to go to my happy place.  when i'm feeling glum (like right now, cough cough) i can always count on a browse through the ol' favorites list to make me laugh.

and now, so can you.

things @thegrumbles has favorited on her the twitter

(will there be more editions?  i don't know, depends on if you like it or not.  assholes.  how entertaining is it really to read a bunch of quotes from other people that someone else found funny?  frankly, i'm not convinced this is worth your time, but you read and decide.  i'm already smiling, and that's what matters.  FUCK YOUR SMILES, READERS, MY SMILES ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOURS.  
...ok, not really.  i care pretty deeply about your smiles too.  you whores.)

PEOPLE THINK MARMADUKE IS SO BIG. TO ME HE MEDIUM-SIZED. HILARIOUS, BUT MEDIUM.  -@MEBIGFOOT

Every morning I wake up and pray that someday squirrels will be extinct. -@JoeyBiden

I think Applebee's slogan should be "eatin' goo in the neighborhoo." -@LOD

Henry: "Robbers will steal from you if you have a fancy purse." He glances into my bag. "You're okay. Your bag is full of crap." -@finslippy

At 8:30am Chase's fraud department calls about a "suspicious" charge on my Visa. A 99 cent purchase from something called "iTunes."-@JoshuaGates

What're they saying when the catcher goes out to talk to the pitcher? "Try to strike this guy out. Yeah, I KNOW it's hard. But I love you." -@lateandsoon

I just saw an old woman with a live cat who was wearing a t-shirt perched on her shoulder.
The woman was talking to the cat in a quiet but disappointed way.  Like the cat asked for a sweater and the lady was all "No, you can't have that sweater. Did you see what you did to your last shirt?"
"This is why we can't have nice things, shoulder-cat." -@thebloggess

Did most people avoid taking English in high school that's the only reason I can come up with for all the run-on sentences i like cookies. -@athenabee

For the record, briefs. Evil briefs. -@darthvader
 
What Victoria thinks she's saying: "You are the meanest daddy!" What she's really saying: "Yes, a nap would be lovely. Thank you."  -@awrightbrian

I like to think of foursquare as a tool to avoid the kind of people who would use it. "Wow, Target is asshole central right now. No thanks!" -@thecheckoutgirl

On the internet, no matter how complicated your work, you're only a click away from a cat playing a piano. -@mediamum

- I once had Twizzler ice cream at Cold Stone. It was a soft, disgusting mouthful of disappointment. Just like Twizzlers. #candyclub -@sgnp

Pie for breakfast. #fuckyeahbitch -@thecheapbastard

What's really awesome is when the furnace repair guy shows up at the door and the toddler screams "DADDY!"
Dude gets points, though, for his response: "Guess it's been a while since I've been here. What's your name again?" -@herbadmother

Tip of the day: When someone asks you to hold, scream, "I hate you!" It's worked twice already today. That's how you get things done. -@mayopie

Say, whatever happened to our baby? That little dude was hilarious.  -@fireland

ADOBE CREATIVE SUITE 5??? MORE LIKE ADOBE *CRAPPY SOFTWARE* 5 HURF BURF SUCKING ALL THE DICKS AT WIRED  -@yellingbird

There's a hipster next to me at Starbucks who is LOSING HIS MIND because he cannot navigate the touch screen of his iPhone. It's AMAZING  -@yesthisisjam

Once a day for the last 4 days, a man has called me and said "Hey, Sam!" when I answer. I am not sam. Write it down or something.  -@rachspan

Elderly female customer w/walker to her nurse-"I just wish everybody I hate would die". It's like looking into my future.  -@thecheckoutgirl

Whenever I see someone writing in a notebook I position myself nearby and yell, "DEAR DIARY, TODAY WAS SIMPLY MAGICAL!!" Try it. It's fun!  -@trumpetcake 

riding on trains with boys

the cutest infestation ever

we spent last weekend traveling.  a few months ago jon threw out there that he and a friend from work would like to go to the rally for sanity in dc, and i agreed, and turned to twitter to troll out a place for us to stay.  well guess whose favorite baltimorian let us stay at her house?  the whisker biscuit and her little dude the wiz.  the men-folk were excited about the rally– i was excited about the friends.

nine hours in the car with a toddlby is a loooong time, guys. a long time.

a lot of miles later in the middle of the night we pulled in to the casa de biz and attempted to get some rest to prepare for the rally the great meeting of tiny awesome minds...

and so it begins.

the next day biz dropped us off at the train station and we began the long trek down to dc. we were geared up with the camera, the jude, the diaper bag, snacks, and two different carriers for babywearing. it was go time.

we took the light rail into the main station in downtown baltimore and quickly discovered that a) all the trains to dc were full.  i mean crazy motherfucking packed full.  b) they weren't running any extra commuter trains to compensate for the huge amounts of people and c) the guy at the window was a dick.

waiting at the train station, yo

they found us tickets on the train down an hour later but couldn't get us a train back until after 6:30 pm. at this point i was having a complete meltdown, because we had no idea what we were doing and it was really unclear what was going on. one thing, however, was certain– i was not prepared with enough gear for the jude to last until 7 or 8 at night, and especially not running on zero naps. jon and i quickly deliberated and decided that i should take the train back with the jude and the two guys could head on to dc without us.

so, while the they were doing this:

look what happens when jude and i aren't there to supervise.
a purple wizard photo-bomb.



oh dear.

jude and i were doing this:

first time facing forward. how you feel about THAT, the jude?!
...and then back to backwards, because, you know, i'm the safety police.

we had a great time. we ate nachos, drank beer, ate brownies, watched movies, went for a drive, had naps, and romped around playing with trucks.

and that was just what the doctor ordered.

the next morning the group of us headed out to grab some breakfast at a local diner filled with hipsters before we began the interminable drive back and i was struck by how fast everything had gone.

you know those people you meet who become instant friends, and you can go forever (or never) without seeing them and it just feels just as right when you get together– and then your heart breaks a little when you have to leave them, but you know it's just a matter of time before you're together again so you're sad but can't be that sad?

yeah... that.

so, in conclusion, jon went to the rally and i did not.  instead i watched stinky little people take naps in beds shaped like cars. but jon came back amazed by all the people, people of all different ages and races and beliefs from all across the country– the very polite people who stood for moderation together for a few hours all in one place.  and without getting political, not acting crazy and learning to spell is an idea i can get behind.

it did foil my ingenious plan to run away with my tv boyfriend, jon stewart, though.

boo, hiss.

she's got jumper-cable lips

i am conspicuously absent from all our photographs.  it should be obvious why, though, as i am the one behind the camera.  besides whipping out the tripod and the remote there isn't a huge margin of chance for me to get in the picture– and then when i do it's not the picture i want, it's the picture i'm able to make work.  it's hard for me to dial back the controls and let someone else frame the shot and so, the mama, the photographer, stays on the other side of the glass.  i can do it better than you so you should just let me do it, even if that means i don't directly join in the fun.

if a mama isn't in any of the pictures, does she exist at all?

if a tree falls and no one is there to see it, does it matter?

after my grandfather (and yes, he was always grandfather, not grandpa) died my dad spent hours looking through his old photos and videos.  he came out with hours of footage of... landscapes.  scenery.  gorgeous vistas.  and. no. people.  the camera has no memory of the family, just the sunset in all its stiff inhuman glory.

i sometimes feel like i'm not myself.  well, that's not true, i am very much myself, just myself on autopilot.  my self that knows all the mom-jobs and will do them in order to complete the day as needed– robot mom 2.0.  robot mom 2.0 will wash the bottles, feed the snack, collect the laundry, play at the table, adjust the socks, fetch the water, read the book, put the baby to bed, do the dishes, sit down to rest.  an endless cycle of the same specific tasks that must be completed to keep the house's engine running.

i struggle to turn mom 2.0 off and slip back into human mode.  at the grocery store last night jon and i walked down the drink aisle and i said, "sorry jude, no juice for you, because your mom is a bitch.  juice is bad for babies."  and poor jon rolled his eyes and i don't blame him because mom 2.0 is kind of an annoying know-it-all and she doesn't let us have any fun.  sometimes i want to punch her right in the mouth.

but other times she is shelter.  so much easier to come home and be the ever-present-super-interactive mom 2.0 when i'm tired and the day has been long.  i know how to do it, what to do, how to meet all the jude's needs.  flip the switch and automatically tasks are completed.

they wrestle for control within me; regular relaxed me and ultra-informed mom 2.0.  some days are better than others but lately she's been winning– i need to turn the dial back to the other side.

i don't particularly mind that she exists, our mom 2.0, but i want to be able to flip the switch myself instead of having my subconcious do it for me.  i'm good at the job, or at least i try hard, and the work is all-encompassing– but that doesn't make it more fun.  sometimes it's probably ok for us sit around in our underpants drinking chocolate milk and playing with electrical cords.

...but only unplugged ones with the outlet covers on.  and, you know, the organic chocolate milk.  on the freshly vacuumed carpet.  see this?  this is how i get in to trouble.  i love knowing and learning but sometimes information can go too far and take you right up into a bad place.

i'm up-fucking-tight, yo.  robot-style.

it's not how i want to be, i need some balance in my life.

i just have to figure out how to find it.

because, tis fall and stuff

i don't know why, i just felt compelled to do a fall photo shoot with the jude.  something... fallish?  maybe with pumpkins? gourds?  leaves?  orange?  we attempted to do a pumpkin patch thing a few weekends ago but due to the crazy drought we've been having around here, no dice.  but it ain't ovah, suckers, we just walked to the park one evening instead and bebopped around to our heart's content.