oh SNNNAP!

a few weeks ago i mused to myself (and you), when he no longer a toddlby?  do i now truly have a toddler?  and i hemmed and hawed, because really what's the difference in a name, besides a spare 'b' and an extra 'y'... how different can it be?

that was when the universe decided to run up and smack me in the face with a bucket of day old ham traps.  oh, hi jamie!  you thought you had a toddler before?  oh i'll SHOW you a motherfucking toddler.  BAM.

and there he was.



it seems like the growing and the learning comes in spurts.  three weeks– nothing.  next week– five new words!  two new skills!  the age of the toddler is upon us.  in the past week there's just no other word for it that could possibly do.  he flits into the kitchen and steals spices from my cupboard.  he helps put the plates away, closes the cabinet, and claps.  he shakes his head definitively no, he would not like more applesauce.  mostly though, he screams angry squeeling toddler screams when his will is thwarted (which is often).  there's nothing quite like the rage of a toddler to convince you that you have... well... a toddler.

something just seems different.  growing comprehension, maybe?  growing communication skills?  more trustworthy exploration?  i can't put my finger on it, exactly, but it feels different.  it feels toddler. it's good, i dig it.



a large part of this realization came about because of bang.  oh, bang, our bad special little dog.  you may be wondering how she plays a role in this– it's because she's an ANNOYING DOG, and i often feel compelled to tell her what a bad dog she is after she vomits into our shoes and eats the plastic off the back of the remote.  for example, i was sitting on the floor playing with her with one of her tug toys.  she got confused halfway through (funfetti, meet braincake) and i told her, "get the toy bang! get your toy! get your toy, bang!"  she looked at the toy.  she looked at the floor.  she looked at the wall.  then she jumped directly into my face with her mouth open.  NO, BANG.  NO.

and thus, over the weekend, we observed the jude march right up to bang, his bestest friend, and yell, NO! and hit her right in the face.  yep, that's a toddler alright.

(we're taking strong steps to cut this behavior off at the pass before it becomes an annoying hitting thing, have no worries.  hands are not for hitting.)

discipline?  a hitting phase?

yep, that's a toddler alright.

here we go.

traditions, new and old

the time of year between thanksgiving and new years always feels like a hurried bunch of waste– it's impossible to get anything done.  my brain misfires off into holiday oblivion.

i've found this year more than any year before {ever} that i dislike the holiday season.  all the things that were so fun about the holidays as a kid (breaks from school, food, treats, presents) either don't exist for adults or are more of a stress than a joy.  out in the real world you only get a day or two (if you're lucky) off for the holidays, a far stretch from the endless childhood break time.  days that used to be spent in the snow, drinking hot chocolate, playing with new toys, and reading books are now crammed full of going to work, errands, shopping lists, grocery runs, and chores.

adult life iz serious business.  never grow older, kids.

but nothing, nothing, has added to the holiday stress the way having a child has.  the pressure from all sides to be at certain places at certain times, the calls of, "oh but we HAVE to see the BAAAAYBE!"  before it was just balancing my side vs. his side (which can be tough enough), what on earth we would do with the dogs (take them with us)– now it's the additional count of who gets to see the baby when and for how long.  plus, we have the extra challenge of both of our families living out of state, so every holiday is spent traveling away from our home and away from our schedule.  every christmas morning for the past 8 years i have woken up in a strange bed before 8am and traveled between holiday events, then while pregnant, with an infant, now with a toddler.

honestly by now we're pros at packing and traveling, even with the little dude.  so i can't 100% blame it on "stress," though i won't deny that it's harder to force the changes in routine on a toddler and we pay for it with epic meltdowns.  but the heart of the matter is that i spend my time off work, my precious time with my little family, traveling and hurrying and being away.  doing thing after thing to make other people happy.  when do i get to be happy?  when do we get to use our miniscule time off work to relax together?  no one seems to give a crap about that.  is going through the motions really enough if everyone isn't having a good time?

forgive my rantiness.  this is exactly what i want to avoid.  the holidays make me grouchy, and who really wants to spend forced "quality time" with a grouchy person anyway?  no one, including me.  i've even written a near-identical post about this 2+ years ago.  clearly, even though i was upset about it then, nothing came of it.  something has to give, i can't go on like this forever.

last christmas was a breath of fresh air in at least one way though– i saw what it would be like to share the magic of the holidays with the jude.  to a little kid that shit is straight up MAGICAL AWESOMESAUCE.  to get to see these traditions and all the fun through his eyes is something something i look forward to.  favorite movies and cookies and twinkling lights and snow– the good stuff!  i get to relive it in between loads of laundry and dishes.

this year due to our work schedules it looks increasingly like we will be unable to travel, at least for the "official" christmas date.  it will be our first holiday at home as a family.  part of me feels guilty, pressured– part of me is pretty damn excited to be free.  oh, our own baking and cooking!  oh, our own tree and lights!  oh, the sleeping in!  oh, the jammies and toys!  not driving anywhere!  it's a chance to finally forge some of our own traditions.   

so, what kinds of things might we want to do?
what habits do we want to form to carry on through the years?

being just the three (+ dogs) of us, i am worried that it'll be a little... sparse.  what traditions do you do with your loved ones around this time?  a special movie you watch?  a new pair of jammies on christmas eve?  a favorite recipe?  do you sleep in?  make a huge breakfast?  eat pizza?

give me your favorite holiday pastimes and coping mechanisms, i'd really like to hear them.

MORE MORE MORE MORE

since his birth the jude has been ever the chill baby. chill, relaxed, whatever you want to call it– except when it comes to one thing: THE FOODS. if food is involved suddenly it's like battling a screaming wolverine. MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE YELLING AND YELLING AND MORE MORE MORE.

i made the mistake of saying the word "snack" in front of him yesterday and paid for it by having a howler monkey stuck to my pant leg.  and with the screaming prior to every nurse, you would think we were murdering him when really he's just pissed that i haven't taken my shirt off fast enough.

kid likes to eat.

now this isn't exactly a complaint, (especially parents of picky eaters, i am not complaining!) because a picky eater is {right now} the exact opposite of what we have. knock on wood. cross your tenders. for the time being, he will eat ANYTHING, ravenously, and scream for MORE– except strawberry-banana yogurt.

he crushed a full plate of thanksgiving everything and then did the same the next day with leftovers.  i am aware that the world of toddlerhood can make this amazing eating talent disappear with the snap of its horrible fingers.  don't look a gift horse in the mouth and all that.



generally we'll let him eat as much as he says he wants. even when he's had a banana and eggs and toast and half a bagel. i try to trust that he's following his body's signals and if he says he's hungry, who am i to tell him he's not? i hope to teach him to trust his body, not follow the clean-your-plate rule.

even so, on days like this one i do wonder:

all before 4pm.  then he went home and nursed twice and had dinner.

i'm sorry, this? this is insane. what am i going to do when he's a teenager, readers?! he is going to eat us out of house and home just like his uncle! we're dooomed, dooomed!

but he's so happy and short and round! and learning to use a fork!

while i am not complaining about our possibly temporary glorious food situation, i do take exception to the insistent food-screaming. CA-CAW! FOOD RAPTOR! i promise i will not starve you child, more food is coming. you don't have to yell at me in between every single bite.  really.  and lord help you if it hasn't already been cut up or if it's hot and he sees it waiting there.  HURRY, YOU ARE ENRAGING THE STARVING BEAST.

(actually, knock on wood a million times again, the past few days he has seemed better.  it's been a mo-mo-mo muttering instead of an insane staccato.  maybe this will stick around?  maybe?!  at the very least, we know the buddha's secret weakness:  apple bars.)

give me more macaroni. or i will stab you.

as easy as awesome potatoes

as i alluded to yesterday, monday night we made an experimental potato creation which was inspired by san's recipe over at the in between is mine.  our version was probably not the most awesome potatoes you've ever had, but you those kitchen-sink recipes where if you have a few key ingredients you can throw any old crap in from the fridge and it tastes pretty damn good?  yep, it's one of those.  easy?  check.  flexible on the ingredients?  check.  i like to make fancier recipies on occasion but every night for dinner can't be fancy town, so easy and flexible is good.

starting with the crap-from-the-fridge theme, i had a reeeaally old pie crust in there and i flattened it into the bottom of my 9 x 13 pan.  why the hell not?  the crust was a wild hair, but if you're a carb-loader like i am you can't have too many bread-products.  first layer: pie crust.  second layer: sliced potatoes.  nothing fancy, just sliced some potatoes up and lined the bottom, slightly overlapping each slice.  third layer: broccoli! and ham slices!  this is one of the many areas where you can get creative.  you can do meat / no meat, and use any old veggies you have laying around.  i bought the broccoli specifically for this though, because broccoli and potatoes are connected in my heart.

fourth layer: grated cheese!  fifth layer: another line of potatoes! and then a sprinkle of more broccoli, more cheese, salt, pepper... and pour in cream/milk.  we used about 70% cream 30% skim milk, but i honestly think that in a pinch you could just use plain ol' milk and it would work fine.  it lubricates the guts with deliciousness, you see.  for the melty-potato goodness.

next time i think i might use one potato, one sweet potato, and a squash or two instead of using all potatoes.  cheese and veggies cover up all manner of sins, so why not throw some more nutritious stuff in there?  that was part of what i liked so much about it– meh, whatever you have, chuck it in and bake it with cheese.  nom.  jude was especially fond of the broccoli.



easy as awesome potatoes

4 potatoes
1 bunch broccoli
2 packets of sliced lunchmeat (if you eat the meats)
1 small block of cheese (we used mozzarella)
2 teaspoons salt (eyeball it)
1 teaspoon black pepper (whatever looks good)
2 cups of cream (or substitute milk)
1 pie crust (optional)

1.  butter your casserole pan.  i'm not even sure this was necessary, but i like to do it, so i did
2.  press in crust (if you're adding the crust-bottom, totally optional!)
3.  slice up two of your potatoes in little even slices and lay them across the bottom of the pan
4.  dice up broccoli or other veggies.  sprinkle half over the potatoes.
5.  lay in your meat slices (if you're meaty) i actually loved the meat-parts most, and it was amazing to me that it was just carl budding chopped up ham slices.
6.  spread on half your grated mozzarella (i also sprinkled on some crappy parmesan)
7.  slice up your other two potatoes and lay down a second potato layer
8.  sprinkle on the other half of your veggies and the other half of your cheese
9.  salt and pepper surface as desired
10.  pour the cream/milk over top of the concoction, shaking the pan to help the liquid settle into all the little nooks and crannies
11.  bake at 400° until potatoes are tender (test by stabbing repeatedly with a fork, when they feel tasty, they ARE tasty.)  you may need to cover the surface with foil halfway through so the top doesn't get too dark, just keep an eye on it. ours cooked for at least an hour, maybe a little longer, so plan ahead for a longer cooking time.

nanaba bra (jude's favorite version)

banana bread, good for the soul! the extra quick and easy version!

you will need:
1 cup sugar (or less, as desired)
8 tablespoons (1 stick) unsalted butter
2 eggs
1 tablespoon milk
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
2 cups flour (i use whole wheat, but i'm a weirdo)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt

3 ripe bananas*
*OR two bananas and 1 cup chopped strawberries
*OR one banana and 2 cups any other fruit/veggie it's really pretty flexible
nuts (optional) (...flexible nuts.)

baking directions:
Preheat the oven to 325°
Grease your loaf pan
In a mixing bowl cream the room temperature butter and the sugar until fluffily mixed
Add in the eggs, one at a time, mixing thoroughly

In another bowl mash up the bananas / fruit of your choice with a fork
Mix in the milk and cinnamon

In another bowl mix the remaining dry ingredients, the flour baking powder, baking soda, and salt

Add the banana mixture to the butter/sugar/eggs
Once mixed stir in the dry ingredients

Pour into loaf pan and bake for 60-70 minutes (or until a toothpick stabbed in the center comes out clean)
Cool for 15 minutes then remove from pan
Store at room temperature, wrap well

NO MO blo po

victory, thy sweet taste is mine.

another nablopomo passes us by with winter close on her heels.

i feel like nablopomo reminds me of an important fact about blogging: not all the posts are going to be the best posts.  blogging is so transient, you do it day in and day out.  it makes sense that not every single shot is going to be pure genius.  sometimes it's just a moment captured in time, a few thoughts here and there, a photo of the day, or two, and that's ok.  those things are just as important to record as life-changing multi-paragraph tomes of knowledge.

(i have to tell myself that to justify boring you sometimes, dearest readers.  i can't always be teh awesome, ok?!  every day?!  it's a lot of pressure.  cut a girl some slack.)

and i still like oreo cakesters.  so really, it's all good.  life is good.

we baked a delicious experimental potato dish the other night, and i think i will tell you about it...

... tomorrow.  for today i'm going to go drink yesterday's coffee and look at the teeny-tiny dusting of snow.

with all my love to you and the warmz and the fuzzlies,
(because you lift me up when i am down),

xoxoxoxxx
the grumblies