Hey, remember that one time we found out the Jude has extra poisonous lead poisoning and no one knows why?
(And this is where you lean in over your coffee and say, "Of course I do, grumbles! I think about it every other second! Your poor darling baby!" ...Oh wait, that's probably just me. Poopcrap.)
When we had our last super! fun! appointment at the city-mandated health department lead clinic (dun dun dun) they gave us a hefty load of cleaning instructions, a pat on the back for good behavior, and said, "See you for a retest in June!"
...And then like, whoa, um hello I'm June all up in your face now.
So, we took the Jude for another blood draw at the hospital on Wednesday night. We had to wait a few months between tests because it takes a long time for the body to chelate the existing lead. No matter how quickly it got in there it takes a while for it to work itself out. It's a slow, stupid process. Wait wait wait. We've handwashed and vacuumed and worried and eaten spinach and cilantro and hoped for the best since they are still unable to pinpoint exactly what caused it. Mystery lead poisoning! Yeah!
Now we're finally down to that last littlest bit of waiting... again. The blood is out of him, into the lab. There's nothing more we can do to sway the outcome but hope for the best. We'll get a call in the next few days letting us know what the new and hopefully improved number is. He's very sweet about his test actually, and even today a few days after the big needle he looks up at me and points to his arm, "I have an owwie." Yes buddy. You have an owwie.
Oh friends, please please please let the level be down. Not just down, below that magic not-lead-poisoned anymore number, Please please please. His last test was down, just keep on moving, NUMBER. God damned heavy metals, all clogging up my shit and stuff.
I don't want to jinx it but... things seem really great around here. I know that's zero indicator of his lead poinsonedhood but come on... word explosion! Skill explosion! So much growth and learning and fun. Kids with lead poisoning can't possibly be this smart. He says "A B C's!" and "One two three!" and "I DID IT!"
Nope. People with lead poisoning can't do that. It says so, right here in my lead poisoning guide to awesomely curedness. Unpossible.
Really of course all that means nothing. But wouldn't it be nice if it did?
(this has been updated with the BEST PART II EVERRRRRR!)