breastfeeding: the afterlife

June 2, 2011

It's been a month. A month! Yes a month! since the official end.

The first two weeks weren't stellar. He didn't ask about nursing very often but he seemed generally stressed out and angry. From lack of hormones or lack of familiar comfort (or both) it wasn't our best run. After that things seemed to move on to a new normal. Less yelling. No asking about the ba-poo (boppy). Maybe we just all had to get that out of our system. Whatever, fine, better now.

My boobs? They are sad trombone. Well they aren't really, they look relatively like they did pre-pregnancy minus stretch marks, but I had really gotten used to all that extra bouncy fun up there over the last 20+ months. Awww, goodbye shirt lifting love pillows! I had seen other moms mention the whole {deflation} thing... Yeah. They're serious about that. They seem rather empty, which I suppose is logical. Deflation is a good word. I'm lucky to have a rather small up-top so there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of droopage. Keep your girls supported, girls, it will benefit you in the long run.

Some women can't seem to lose that last ten pounds while nursing– I was the opposite. I dropped weight until I looked like a skeleton. Was I excited about this? You bet your ass I was! However in the last month I've discovered I can no longer eat whatever I want all the time. (Meaning, unlimited cakesters and donuts. A reasonable diet seems to be just fine.) I've filled back in some of that too-skinny creepiness, which is totally ok*, but now I have to start being decidedly more careful lest we go to the other end of the spectrum. Suck.

*Sort of, it is only ok part of the time. I didn't like being so skinny but now in comparison I feel weirdly large. Women and their body issues. That shit never ends. I am a normally sized woman, why can't I be happy with that?! My postpartum body has been a revolving door. Normal! Pregnant! HUGE! Still kinda huge... SKELETAL! Average? Every few months things are completely different. It's been hard to adjust to because as soon as I get comfortable everything changes again. Who is that in the mirror? I'm waiting for things to balance out before I can even begin to assess the post-kid situation. Maybe that IS my new normal: multiple-personality body!

We found out that Jude does not like the milk of the cow. He will not drink it, no he will not. Calcium consumption alternative = lots of yogurt.

I was using breastmilk to treat the Jude's eczema, which works AMAZINGLY, but now I'm realizing what the hell are we going to do without it? Luckily for the time being the faucets still work for face-medicine purposes. When that ends I may shed a tear for his poor be-eczemaed skin.

Note the aforementioned: The faucets still work. I mean there isn't a lot in the reservoir but it still turns on at the press of a button. Any idea how long that will last? Milk Bueller?

FACT: I miss it. I do. I'm sad. The kid doesn't need me like that anymore. No more cuddles. I miss cuddles. I miss cuddles SO MUCH. I feel guilty for stopping when he has lead poisoning. Awesome nutritional supplement? Gone. My hearrrrrt, my hearrrrrrt, I can't take it, the end of an era!

FACT: I don't miss it. This is awesome. My skin is no longer creepy and crawly. I don't have to constantly wear an undershirt. I can eat anything I want (that barely counts, I already did that anyway). He hasn't mentioned it in ages. He was ready. It went smoothly and wasn't a big deal.

As you can see I'm feeling totally confident about this and not torn at all, no! Nor confused and flip floppy and sometimes overcome with sad/awesome! No!
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