July 25, 2011
Toddlers are little mirrors, reflecting back whatever they see at the moment. Good, bad, crazy, loud, smart, tired, it all bounces back at you. That's a frustrating part of this stage because I feel I only really have myself to blame when things go wrong most of the time. Probably my fault. I shouldn't be angry, I shouldn't yell, I should be a better example, I should say yes.
It can be a real slap in the face– oh you don't like it when I do that? Take a look in the mirror and find out where I learned it, bitch. Kids are not particularly good for the self esteem, a living laundry list all the ways in which you've screwed up, both in the recent past and forever ago.
(New game of the weekend was yelling EVER!!! so angrily all the time at everything. Because on Saturday I told him to NEVER EVER touch an outlet in my sternest serious mom voice and apparently it made quite the impression. NO B, EVAAAR! DINOSAUR, EVAAR!!! There's a lot of safety going on. Angry, angry safety. Sigh.)
When the environment is new and outside your parental control it adds a whole other level of chaos. Not only are you ready and available to screw it up now you have other people and kids in the mix too. Where will the wind blow you, my little leaf? Which new things are you going to see and mimic? Whose moods are you going to get wrapped up in and spit back at me?
I won't lie, I dislike it immensely when we go somewhere and return with a slew of newly learned or rediscovered bad habits. It's easier when it's someone else's fault but also, less easy.
Honestly I find this all so seriously depressing and I wonder why I got into this mess in the first place. Don't have kids, folks, you will just raise more sad lonely adults who do all the same terrible things you do.
I want him to look into the mirror and see him and not everyone else, least of all me. Well, maybe me would be better than like, killer robots or creepy dudes in the gas station. It's all about the in-comparison-to perspective I suppose.
But he is so handsome in a wind storm, amiright? This is him being him, unconsciously reflecting back his insides. Pure goodness.
deep dark parenting confessions|parenting|thinking|this is getting kinda serious|toddlers rule the earth|