August 8, 2011

Since I'm returning from blogher living the big life with my drink and my two step and a motherfuckin' riot I've asked my best friend to step in for the day. You know Biz, don't you? You don't?! What the hellfire. This story is perfectly appropriate for this past weekend. Maybe. Hard to tell, because that's in the future. Just sayin', you should always be prepared.
xoxoxox- your fearlessly traveling/resting leader


Hey y'all, Biscuit here from I <3 Velveteen. I'm filling in for Jamie while she's at BlogHer, and I couldn't be more stoked (read: scared shitless). I figure as long as I mention boobs, ninjas, or cakesters at least once I'm maintaining the integrity of her work. Mission accomplished. Reckon since she's on some sort of vacation, I'd share a glimpse into one of my own family adventures. When we go, we do it right, and last year's vacay did not disappoint. Enjoy.

Shew doggies, I’m back! Monday was a hard, hard day. Not only did the Wiz start with a new sitter, but it was our first day back to reality after basically living in paradise for a week. See here:


I apologize for the chopped up phone pics. What saddens me is that I actually brought my Nikon with me. I think the ol girl came out of the bag once the entire week. Sad.

We loaded up the caravan and headed to the Outer Banks, NC for a week. It’s about an 8 hour drive and I have to say, my kid is a fricking stellar traveler. He didn’t really kirk out at all, save for a 2 minute jag on the return trip when we were 15 minutes from home. Amazing. I got him settled in his carseat, and myself with a Red Bull.

double aw

Sidenote: Red Bulls is cold mang!
When you’re in a pinch – diapers make AMAZING coozies, just sayin’.

This was the first real vacation for me and my boy. Last year we went to Cape May, NJ with some friends but it was a dark, dark time for me and he was just too young to really grasp it all. This time around, he was super into everything, he’s a wild man. The first day on the beach he sprinted to the water and threw himself into the surf with zero fear. He flopped around in the waves, built shit in the sand, and even took an underwater tumble with me when a wave knocked us down. I swear, I’ve never held that boy tighter. When we popped back up, he shook the water off and laughed like, “awesome, let’s do that again!” He seriously could not get enough of the water.


I’d have to say though, my favorite day was when it rained. My Dad always says, “every good vacation needs a rainy day” and this one did not disappoint. We woke to troubled skies, and shortly after breakfast it was decided that I needed to make a round of my famous bloody murrrrrys. Yes, famous. I’ve won contests and shit. While I was whipping up my concoction, I stumbled across this lil feller in the icebox:

baby baby do me

Oh hey Guy, you look lonely, AND I LOOK THIRSTY. (this never ends well)

I figured we might as well get fancy with it, so I poured our first round (emphasis on first) into wine glasses. Hey, I figure if you’re going to start drinking well before noon, you had better be classy about it.


Well, one round led to two, led to, oh, I’d say about five, six, run to the liquor store, 7, 8 rounds. By the end of this “fest” of sorts, we were looking at upgraded, higher capacity goblets as seen here:


Big ol Al was drinking out of one of these, and this pleased Momma absolutely none-skies. Said, “it’s offensive how feminine Al’s glass is.” To which my Dad replied, “the onliest glass that offends me, is an empty one.”

Truer words ain’t never been spoken Dad, I tip my hat to you.

THEN! A bolt of genius! Let’s send the girls out on the beach cruisers to get firewood and Red Bull. At the time it seemed completely plausible that we could get enough firewood to start a bonfire back to base camp in the baskets of our parents beach cruisers, AT THE TIME. Keep in mind, I’ve been throwing vodka with a hint of Clamato into my face for about 5 hours straight at this point. I mean, shit. My kid was dancing on the table with no pants on. It was THAT kind of party.


Also, folks, I was not the only one “in the spirit.” Exhibit A:


If you follow my Twitter, you already know the end of this story. Basically, what had happened was, I saw a truck coming, I got scared, I saw my Red Bull about to spill (priorities) and I had to lay my hog down. In traffic. On a bridge. Turns out, the truck was about 2 miles away and my lack of depth perception bent me over and got me in the no-no place again. Gaw-dangit.

road rash

Yes. I am in a port-o-potty. Good lighting in there.

Oh it was quite the story to tell when we came back some time later. Apparently we had been gone for almost an hour despite the fact that the convenience store which sold firewood, beer, bait, and evening gowns was right at the end of our street. I mean looking back on it, I was completely ok to be on the streets. Clear as crystal. Straight as an arrow.

best ever

Also, I have NO clue why that says 8:07 am. I’m bad, but not that bad.

Such a good trip, even with the long drive. I haven’t laughed that hard in years, and it was so good to have a whole week of uninterrupted family time. The second best part was returning home to the note my housesitting Aunt had left:


P.S. Our cat died 8 years ago

Yes coming back to reality has been hard, BUT I have a date tonight! Yip YIP! A date! I have a BETTER feeling about this one, but I've learned to not expect too much out of these things. Cross your fingers that he doesn't help me add to my "Red Flag List" , and that he doesn't make a Biscuit coat out of me. I WILL NOT put the lotion in the basket! Either way, the memories and peace from this last vacation have given me the necessary fuel to plow through a couple more months before burning out again. When I need it, I can always go here:

hot skin

Ta-ta for now (pun intended? You figure it out.)

{ check out I heart Velveteen for more stories, follow Biz on twitter, or shop the shop behind the girl. }
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