i can hear you over there whispering

September 13, 2011

Dear local area moms,

Thanks for the warm welcome. It's a special treat for me to be home with the Jude for a week while I'm on vacation. The great feedback I've gotten from you, my "peers," at the playground, coffee shop, library and Target the past few days has really solidified what a special occasion this is. An honor and a privilege– for one of us anyway.

I realize that I may look different that the familiar members of your collective. I'm wearing pants that aren't stretchy! My bosoms are contained in a high-tech underwired contraption! My face– powdered! Even worse... you may not have seen me here before. A STRANGER. IN YOUR MIDST. No, I did not attend your Mommy & Me class, does that frighten you?

While I may not be wearing yoga pants or using a quilted cart-cover I am, in fact, also a mom. Let's stop here so you can absorb this revolutionary information. You may have noticed my child. In fact, you may have noticed my child shouting "HIIIIII!" at your child. Do not look away in horror, this is a common greeting, though one you have chosen to pointedly ignore in favor of making that bitch face.

I can assure you that I probably have many of the same likes/dislikes that you do. I have many of the same parenting problems you do! Screaming! Blues Clues! Nap time! Poop! Do not let my employment status deter you from the surprising realization that we are both moms who could be friendly. We both have to pee in between the rantings of a crazy boss, mine is just taller. See? So much in common.

My boss, however, lets me poop by myself without interruption.
Nevermind, that's totally a good reason for you to all be rude stone cold gashes.

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