I though I'd take a few minutes to reflect on this last week of 'temporary stay-at-home-mom' or as I prefer to call it, being a mom and taking a week's vacation to flop around in your p-jams or rather, PAJAMASPLOSION 2011. Despite the catchy moniker I only wore my pajamas past 9am two days of ten. Color me impressed with my industrious self control.
This morning marked the return to our normal schedule, something I have blandly mixed feelings about and which I'm afraid to pick at too closely lest I uncover some kind of terrifying personal revelation. I don't really want a personal revelation, I just want to take a shower and go to work. Thus I present to you these thoughts painted with broad strokes and a hamhazard hand and BAM maybe when we pan the camera out we'll end up with something amazing, Bob Ross effect, but it'll probably be just a squigglydoo jumble of nonsense instead:
a.) Though the majority of my friends (hi friends!) are stay-at-home moms or work-at-home moms and I risk offending them (you), I found my time at home to be both dull and the heights of luxury. Luxury. Yes, it felt like quite a luxurious thing. I bleached my microwave and cleaned my refrigerator and scrubbed my shower, so were the deep deep depths of my itchiness.
What a different way of life, man. The freedom to drive to the store in the middle of the day or dick around in the park on a whim just about blew my mind. So did the loneliness, both mine and his. He missed his friends and told me so quite directly. I kept thinking over and over, what if this was my life every day?
b.) All of the above thoughts are irrelevant because that is not, in fact, my life and I refuse to dwell on it. We had extreme fun. Moving on.
c.) Either the days were AWESOME or terrible. One or the other with nothing in between. I did things exactly the same each day with no tangible reason why one would be more screamy than another and yet. The screaming. Toddlers. Luckily we only had two days where I wanted to throw him out a window and the others were perfection. I find that percentage of shrink to be acceptable. I will enter it into my spreadsheet.
d.) The Jude and I got our brains in sync, we had such a good groove working between us. It made me more aware that I do not, on a daily basis, really get to spend much time communicating one on one with him. I mean things are not terrible the way they are but I also got a taste of what it could be. I grieve that unknown loss. Moving on.
e.) It occurred to me at one point that this was the most time I had spent day in and day out with him since my maternity leave. This was obviously not a positive train of thought. However our time together was so fun, so smooth, so smart, that there's no way he could be this delightful if what we're doing isn't working perfectly. Amid my own mixed emotions came confirmation that everything is swimmingly perfect just the way it is.
f.) And then I remembered that it is not, in fact, the most time I've spent with him since infancy. Durrr. Ok then.
g.) When you get to the letter g you really second-guess your lettering system.
h.) I feel like I could probably get all emotional about this and make dramatic sweeping analogies and poetic heart-charged declarations but I just really don't want to go there. I need that door to be closed, in fact I need to barricade it with tables and chairs. I enjoy every minute of the time that we get to spend together and it was the time that I had. Dear familiar life: welcome back. I'm going to throw you a party but I'm not sad either. All is as it should be.
(ps– my accent vlog. have you watched it? i'm not a pimp my shit kind of person but it was a special one-time deal and i don't want you to miss it. go see my face and voice whilst you still can.
pss– by 'while you still can' i really just mean like, today. not that i'm going to take it down or anything, just that stuff tends to get lost once it's pushed off the main page. so, you know. just a reminder. go.)