Thanks to Walgreens for underwriting this post. I was paid as a member of the Clever Girls Collective, but the content is all mine. Visit http://www.discoverbeautywithin.com/ for beauty tips, deals, and shopping guides.
Hey, remember this chick? God, what a weirdo.
In November I embarked on a peril-filled quest for self improvement– I vowed to wash my face every night before bed, in the hopes that it would make my skin happy. Did it? No. Absolutely not. Operation Pawhands McFacetoucher was a fail inside a fail failed up inside a whale and in fact, that whole deal has kind of given my skin the wiggins ever since. Congratulations! You're ruined.
When it comes to beauty and self-care I'm aggressively apathetic. I'm married. And a mom. And I work. Who the hell cares? Bizarrely, this works for me. BUT, it turns out that kind of attitude can do a number on your self esteem. So, I'm setting some goals for 2012 to help me um... care at all... about
(I don't really "get" the self portrait thing but yet people ie readers seem to be all up on it. I just can't imagine why you would want to sit around looking at my face. Derp. Here's your face quota for January. It's me! Moving on.)
Beauty goals for apathetic people 2012, all up on it:
Have yall heard of this thing called blush? It's this crazy new– oh wait, no, it's been here forever, I just avoided it because the 80's instilled such a voilent fear of clownface in my heart. I recently discovered that you can apply blush properly and not only look normal, actually improve your appearance. As someone with pale pale skin anything I can do to add color is good, and with a round face I can always use some additional cheek definition. Bronzer has had a long time place in my routine but now I'm on board with the classic. Blush– it's in and/or around my face in 2012.
Get it wet. I mean, moist. I mean, keep it wet. Get it moist? Slick it up? Wow that should stop almost immediately assuming we don't keep going. There was one tiny beam of light that sprung from Operation Pawhands McFacetoucher, and that was learning not to fear moisture. In the past I always saw Mr. Moisture and Dr. Oil as the same thing, evil best friends holding hands and skipping through a field together before their chicky-babes throw me into a pool. I'm coming around. Moisture, and even a certain amount of oil, are actually good for my skin. I can accept this. I can. I will be strong. I will moisturize accordingly. Oil is my friend, or at the very least a benevolent pen-pal.
As I'm sure absolutely none of you are aware, I have been growing my hairs out so they might one day cover my up-top like a shirt. Ol' Pawhands McShirt-hairs, that'll be my name. This is the first time I've had hair this long, oh, ever, and I'm discovering that once I suffered a few inches past that annoying shoulder-length phase my hair is actually easier to take care of than ever before.
To clarify, when I say easier I mean I do nothing to it, ever. I don't brush it, I don't wash it, I don't put things in it. This is not an exaggeration and it probably deserves its own post because no one believes me. After Christmas I made the mistake of using a new shampoo after 27 days of non-washing and I'll be regretting that very fluffy decision until 2014. Do not mess with the hair's self-contained ecosystem (minus when I apply the magic stuff that rhymes with shmoconut boil, go ahead and rub that alllllll up in it), otherwise, don't mess with success. Shirt-hair here we come, wear it loud, wear it proud.
More coffee, look acceptable, be moist, have shirt hair. Boom, 2012 I got this.
How 'bout you?