both inevitable and not surprising

February 20, 2012

One time a few months ago I let Jude stick a raisin up his nose. It wasn't so much that I "let" him as, he was eating them in the car while we were driving down the highway and he let his imagination/hands go wild and somehow the you'd-really-think-that's-avoidable happened, but close enough. Cuff me and write me up for negligent raisincide already, my attention span isn't what it used to be.

Since the Jude is still rear-facing in his car seat the only clue we had was a tiny mumbled, "Raaaaaiisin. In muh nose..." which, after a gaping silent pause prompted a front-seat explosion of, "DID YOU PUT A RAISIN IN YOUR NOSE!? DID YOU!?" "DID YOU PUT A RAISIN UP THERE?! A RAISIN! WHY!?" "STOP THE CAR!" "WE'RE ON THE HIGHWAY!" "PULL OVER." "I CAN'T."

Despite our instant reaction to PULL THE HELL OVER I'm not sure what part of a busy semi-lit highway shoulder at night would have been helpful, so we took some deep breaths and finished driving home where we could properly equip ourselves with flashlights, because shouting, "DID YOU PUT A RAISIN UP THERE– DID YOU?!?!" received such enlightening replies as, "LIGHTS!" "A cat in the tree!" and, "I'm hungry."

By the time we burst through the kitchen door we had pulled our parental-brains together into some semblance of order. You get the pillow, I'll get the flashlight. You get him comfortable; I'll get the tweezers. Annnnnnd– break!

Thirty seconds later I emerged victorious, raisin in hand, and declared myself champion of our live-action Operation reenactment. As we learned, up close and in person, when presented with a friendly, moist environment raisins leap at the chance re-plump into your own private nose balloon, though I would obviously not recommend it as any kind of party decoration.

With all nasal passages safe and sound one sniffly tearful little boy was relegated to the couch for a round of hugs and the healing powers of Heathcliff and one soggy slightly-inflated raisin found a new home in the trash. Mischief managed, ten points to the expert parenting swat team. We're professionals, okay?

I found this to be not a notable turn of events or even worthy of mention at the time because oh, toddlers, and in fact I only mention it now because I wouldn't be surprised if this wasn't the last time something got stuck somewhere, to which I repeat repeatedly, It could have been so much worse, because it could– It could have been so much worse.

discovered this on my phone after the jude went to bed. first self portrait.

{Sidebar- I found this photo on my phone one night long after the Jude had gone to bed. First self portrait myspace milestones. CHECK!}
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