just a stupid baby

March 19, 2012


Dear me,
Congratulations, you're 28 years old. Half the universe thinks you're a just stupid baby and the other half thinks you're almost leaking dead. So. Enjoy that. Have a cupcake. Or ten.

Yesterday was my birthday, which is a thing I guess. I don't like to be one of those people who's all MY BIRTHDAY ME ME ME ME LOOK AT ME and also GIVE ME A DOLLAR* but, I will readily admit to the charm of having a day where you do the things you like and the people you love wish you well. All a-glow, heart a-flutter, birthdays can be nice enough creatures in their own singular only-one-day right.

*About that GIVE ME A DOLLAR– this is also a thing, here in Ohio. Have you heard of this? I hadn't, before we moved here. Apparently you safety pin a dollar to your shirt, on your birthday, and this tells people it's your birthday and to give you a dollar? That's what they tell me. It's about the stupidest thing I've ever heard and I will not be giving anyone's shirt a dollar. And next time a stranger wants to get all up in my face about it they can go back in time and blame that prostitute we lived next door to, because that's what she said, every day, "It mah birthday, gimme a dooooollah." BUT IT WASN'T HER BIRTHDAY, AND ALSO YOUR PANTS STINK.


I think that having a birthday, as a parent, is less about having the best. day. evaaaar. and more about having two or three delightful moments sandwiched inside regular annoying stuff. In between doing the things you want to do (ie drinking coffee without pants on while playing violent video games) you still have to dress/feed/entertain/mollify your kid, who does not give two poops that it's your birthday, and is not allowed to watch you take shots at people and/or zombies in the park from the roof of that gazebo because you're still trying to avoid his exposure to the delightful existence of gunfire. The age of the rocket launcher will come, but it's going to be a while. Also, they make you share your breakfast burrito. These facts really contain the best. day. evaaaaar. to a measly 30 or 40 minutes during nap time, but I guess it's 30-40 minutes you didn't have before. It's probably worth it every time this happens (cue ovary explosion).

Aim low, drift to the right.

Things I did not do yesterday: finish knitting a surprise FOR YOU, take photos for a contest for a surprise FOR YOU, edit a video FOR YOU, write anything FOR YOU.

It wasn't your birthday.

all your planets are belong to me.
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