I wrote that list when I was insane with smartness

June 29, 2012

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I've made it practically a whole month without blabbering on and on about my plant babies. I think that's a summer record. I can't quite explain why I like gardening so much lately, but I'd venture a guess it's the feeling of investment when you start the little guys from seed, or a vague sense of accomplishment, or motherly instincts to nurture life? Some crap like that. Anyway, I like plants now and it's weird, especially because I really have no idea what I'm doing. It looks like I do, because I'm lucky, but it's a trick I assure you.

Behold! The Grumbles' Highly Advanced School of Plant Care:
Step #1 - Put in sun
Step #2 - Apply water daily
Step #3 - Do nothing
Step #4 - Holler at dogs (Separate activity from 'holla'-ing at dogs.)
Step #5 - Repeat

Plant Care Troubleshooting:
If plant looks happy: Rejoice! Take a picture! Take twenty!
If plant looks sad: Complain to Jon. Kick stuff. Go back inside.

plant babies, garden update

And here come our contestants now! Or at least, a small section of them. As I've mentioned previously I grow all my plants in containers, partially for the convenience moving them around but mostly to keep them up away from the dogs. Dog pee does not make mouths or tomatoes happy, cuz dats gross yall. This has not stopped Harlan from picking off stranglers here and there and munching them up with his mouth, and I spend disproportionate amount of time shaking my fist in anger.

(Point of order, this photo is a month old and those tomatoes have doubled in height, now towering above the fence line. If there's one thing I seem to be able to do it's grow some monster tomatoes through superior laziness.)

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I have probably 30 or 40 of these on the vine now spread between 5 plants, with a 6th plant that hasn't flowered yet HEY SLOW POKE. I'm just sitting around counting down the minutes until the salsa train starts chugging into my face. CHOO CHOOO. They's so cutes though, and I like to shower them with hugs* every evening.

*A million gallons of water. Also, real hugs.

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This is the first year I've done peas, and they grow so fast I'm a little sorry I didn't do more. They've just started putting out pods, and I assume at some point you pull them off and eat them? I threw the seed pack instructions away. Whatever. Note to future self: More peas. The ratio of "doing work" to "eating the stuff" is almost as good as tomatoes and four times as fast.

cucumbers!
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I marked this mini-cucumber plant off as a goner after Harlan ate the living hell out of it –TWICE– but hello obvious news patrol, it is not dead after all. It sprang back to life and GOT FREAKING BUSY. Maybe I should buy it a cake? We did a different type last year and I liked having them around, despite the fact that there isn't really that much to do with cucumbers. Forecasts (my eyeballs) show that the resurrected mini-cucumbers will be plentiful. Cucumber party at our place next week.

In sad news (unpictured because I was kicking stuff), both zucchini plants including Audrey II are looking rough nasty, and I expect them to go meet the great zucchini plant in the sky any day now. They flowered but never fruited, even after I manually group sexed them with a hot hot q-tip. Shortly after the leaves yellowed and shriveled into dusty husks. I moved them into the shade thinking maybe they were just outraged by the crazy heat and sun but no dice. The exact same thing happened last year without a single solitary zucchini to show for it, so obviously something has gone awry. Do you have insight? Full sun? No sun? Do they need supports? Do they have a favorite television show?

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