dear jude · day 1,041

July 11, 2012

Dear Jude,

Day one-thousand and forty-one: Our love affair madness continues, unchecked and exponential.

This morning you turned around and told me, "I'm going to KILL you, mom." I laughed, because you were kidding at the time, not being a psychopath, and also because that is funny. I didn't let you see me laugh, because that would be wrong and that is not a thing you should say, ever. I chastised and redirected you, as I am supposed to do, because I don't actually want you to grow up to be a psychopath.

I'm not sure who is responsible but a groundbreaking life-changing turn of events has taken place. I mean, again. Besides the whole YOU part, and the constantly growing up part. At every step it gets better, and that's not sugar-coated bullshit.

[The scene: You in the car. You drop your toy on the ground.]

"Get that toy for me!"

"Get that toy for me.... what?"


"Get that toy for me... p-p-p-?"

"...." (death stare)

"What's the magic word?"


I spend a lot of my time trying not to let you see me laughing because you are, at the long, wide age of almost-three, funnier than you should be allowed to be at this age, making jokes in a way that you probably shouldn't understand. But here you are, and I can't stop laughing, and I keep having to cover my face with my purse. I'm not sure it's working.

I try not to encourage you. I'm not sure why I feel like that's the right thing to do. I guess because I don't want you to be a cheeseball who hams up because he *knows* he's being funny, and I don't want you to run around yelling "BUTTS!" even though that is hilarious. I shush you and cluck in disapproval and act appropriately offended like I imagine all the other mothers probably do from the Staid & Proper Mothers Guidebook.

No matter what you grow up to be I want it to be because you are inherently, from your soul, weirdly YOU. Let it bubble up inside you; let it spring from within. That is how awesome people exist. Awesome people are not made because their mothers teach them jokes and let them say bad words. Awesome people are awesome because the awesome inside them cannot be extinguished.

And neither can butt jokes.

Let it roll, my child.


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